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What are the benefits and drawbacks of immigration or multi-cultural societies?

What are the benefits and drawbacks of immigration or multi-cultural societies? 9LwkW
It is obvious that even developed countries also face their problems, which have not been solved now and then, such as violence, drugs, etc… including population. One of the reasons, which make population rates skyrocketed increasing, is immigration. However, in some aspects, immigration is not one of the negative issues. In some countries, for example, in the USA, immigration is one of the fundamental building blocks that help make America the unique nation that it is. It is true that, immigration or multi-cultural societies have benefits and drawbacks. One the one hand, immigration, and multi-cultural societies have a variety of advantages. Firstly, from an economic perspective, immigration can be extremely positive. In the urbanization areas, many industries will potentially experience a significant shortage of workers in its more labor-intensive sectors. The immigrants will solve the lack of labor issues. Furthermore, many immigrants have skills that are suitable in the country they move to. Immigrants who find work will contribute to the economy of their new country by their products and strong sales. Secondly, immigration will help the immigrants to have a better life in the Third Word. Many immigrants send money home to help family members. Last but not least, Immigration also creates cultural diversity. People of many different nationalities learn to live together. This can help people to become more open-minded and tolerant. For example, Immigration is one of the fundamental building blocks that make the USA become a unique and dream country for decades. However, Immigration has its negative aspects. Some people believe that immigrants take jobs that should go to local people. As a consequence, unemployment rates could rise if there are too many immigrants. That is the reason why immigration and multi-culture are hotly-debated subjects in developed countries. One another reason which makes immigration more complicated is the unfair judgment between local people and immigrants. Some immigrant workers work longer hours for less money and some companies might pay lower salaries to immigrant workers. Some people from less developed countries move to other countries to search for a better life, perhaps for free healthcare and schooling are available in some developed countries. Other people migrate to a foreign country to improve their academic qualifications. But when something doesn’t meet their expectations, the immigrants would have to tackle a variety of difficult situations. Most of the refugees can’t find jobs because of the lack of language skills and difficulties in adaptation. the disproportionate burden of maintaining the immigrants leads to tension in the society. Secondly, not all of the refugees receive proper asylum, food, and medical care. So they are at risk even after crossing the border. Finally, even highly qualified specialists, who seek better employment, often don’t get what they are looking for. In conclusion, due to the advantages and disadvantages of immigration, it is very important to consider all the possible outcomes and decide whether leaving your homeland is worth it. To make sure the quality of the immigrant's life, governments should stop companies from exploiting immigrant workers. Foreign and local workers should have the right to equal pay and conditions. And after all, the most important factor is the treatment between humans and humans.
It is obvious that even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
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countries
also
face their problems, which have not
been solved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, such as violence, drugs, etc… including population. One of the reasons, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
population rates skyrocketed increasing, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
is not one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issues. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
,
for example
, in the USA,
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immigration
is one of the fundamental building blocks that
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help
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make
America the unique nation that it is. It is true that,
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immigration
or multi-cultural societies have benefits and drawbacks.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
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immigration
, and multi-cultural societies have a variety of advantages.
Firstly
, from an economic perspective,
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immigration
can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. In the urbanization areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries will
potentially
experience a significant shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in its more labor-intensive sectors. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
will solve the lack of labor issues.
Furthermore
,
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many
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immigrants
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are suitable in the
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country
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to.
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Immigrants
who find work will contribute to the economy of their new
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country
by their products and strong sales.
Secondly
,
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immigration
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to have a better life in the Third Word.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money home to
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help
family members. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
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Immigration
also
creates cultural diversity.
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People
of
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many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together. This can
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help
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people
to become more open-minded and tolerant.
For example
,
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Immigration
is one of the fundamental building blocks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the USA become a unique and dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for decades.

However
,
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Immigration
has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
take jobs that should go to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a consequence, unemployment rates could rise if there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
and multi-culture are
hotly
-debated subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. One another reason which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
more complicated is the unfair judgment between local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
work longer hours for less money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
might pay lower salaries to
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immigrant
workers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
from less
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developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to search for a better life, perhaps for free healthcare and schooling are available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Other
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people
migrate to a foreign
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country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic qualifications.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when something doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their expectations, the
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immigrants
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle a variety of difficult situations. Most of the refugees can’t find jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and difficulties in adaptation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
disproportionate burden of maintaining the
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immigrants
leads to tension in the society.
Secondly
, not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
refugees receive proper asylum, food, and medical care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
even after crossing the border.
Finally
, even
highly
qualified specialists, who seek better employment,
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often
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they are looking for.

In conclusion
, due to the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider all the possible outcomes and decide whether leaving your homeland is worth it. To
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make
sure the quality of the immigrant's life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. Foreign and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should have the right to equal pay and conditions. And
after all
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is the treatment between humans and humans.
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IELTS essay What are the benefits and drawbacks of immigration or multi-cultural societies?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
530 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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