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What are the adventages and disavantages of joining clubs while studying?

What are the adventages and disavantages of joining clubs while studying? dpoG6
For students studying at university, their studies are the most important things and should be their top priority. Nevertheless, only studying is not enough for them. Therefore, many universities established extra-curricular clubs to improve students’ life skills, but what are the pros and cons of this? In my opinion, joining clubs has many good points. First, it can help you improve your knowledge and skills. Second, it makes you become sociable and have new friends and finally, when you get involved in extra-curricular activities such as sports or clubs, you can learn how to work with a team effectively! However, participating in these activities also brings lots of disadvantages. Some students today cannot balance studying and activities. Some spend too much time on activities, ignore their assignment and consequently get bad marks. Now I am a secondary school student and do not have any experience about this. However, if i study at university, I will try to balance between study and fun. In my point of view, i can make a suitable schedule to make sure that i have enough time for both of these things. For example, i can spend two days a week on activities and all of the other time on studying. In conclusion, joining clubs or sports is an interesting experience. However, you should not forget to study and do other things you like beside extra-activities.
For
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students
studying at university, their
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studies
are the most
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important
things and should be their top priority.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying is not
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enough
for them.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities established extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what are the pros and cons of this?

In my opinion, joining
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clubs
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points.
First
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Second, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you become sociable and have new friends and
finally
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
, you can learn how to work with a team
effectively
!

However
, participating in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
brings lots of disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
cannot balance studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
spend too much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their assignment and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
marks.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I am a secondary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and do not have any experience about this.
However
, if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at university, I will try to balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and fun. In my point of view,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a suitable schedule to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for both of these things.
For example
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can spend two days a week on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
other time on studying.

In conclusion
, joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
or sports is an interesting experience.
However
, you should not forget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and do other things you like beside extra-activities.
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IELTS essay What are the adventages and disavantages of joining clubs while studying?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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