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What are the advantages of living in an extended family?.

What are the advantages of living in an extended family? . N82km
There are several advantages to living in an extended family. First, we will get along with relatives. Grandparents have a lot of time to play with us and talk to us because they all are retired so they are not as busy as our parents. Furthermore, the whole family looks after each other. Thus, we get lots of love, fun and attention. Our houses are always cozy and full of happiness. Living in an extended family never makes us feel lonely like when we live alone. Second, young people can learn a lot from older people in the family. On living with grandparents or adults, we can learn not only to become more caring and less selfish by helping them but also how to sympathize with other people. Moreover, our grandparents told us about the past so that we can expand our knowledge and learn more about tradition and culture. In case we have to make an important decision or have any difficulties, we can share our stories to other family members to take advice. Older people have lots of experience dealing with most of young people’s problems so that we can ask them for help. Finally, we can save money for our future and education. On living with family members, we don’t need to pay rent. We share it with other members. In conclusion, for all these reasons, living in an extended family has a lot of benefits. It is better than living alone or living in a nuclear family.
There are several advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
First
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with relatives. Grandparents have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of time to play with us and talk to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all
are retired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not as busy as our parents.
Furthermore
, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
looks after each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, fun and attention. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are always cozy and full of happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us feel lonely like when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. Second, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
from older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with grandparents or adults, we can learn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to become more caring and less selfish by helping them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how to sympathize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, our grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us about the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can expand our knowledge and learn more about tradition and culture. In case we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision or have any difficulties, we can share our stories to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to take advice. Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of experience dealing with most of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can ask them for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Finally
, we can save money for our future and education. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, we don’t need to pay rent. We share it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members.
In conclusion
, for all these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of benefits. It is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages of living in an extended family? .

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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