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Sports commercialization is advantageous or not

Sports commercialization is advantageous or not PMpmp
People hold different views about whether sports commercialization is advantageous or not. While there are several drawbacks of sponsorship in sports, I believe the benefits are greater. On the on hand, financial support for sports can be highly problematic for many reasons. One of the critical drawbacks is its uncertainty for both sportspeople and brands. Typically, funding is contractually based on each program, so it is limited or quickly withdrawn if the athletes or clubs involved do not follow their obligations. Meanwhile, brands are not likely to control the sponsored entities and the entire risks of unsuccessful sports teams, making it tough to manage their monetary inflows and outflows. Another significant issue could be the excessive manipulation of sponsors. For example, to make a game more marketable, the sport's rules can be strictly changed over to what investors have required. Therefore, if a brand gets too much control over the specialized sports bodies, players might lose their professional core values. On the other hand, I would argue that the disadvantages of sport sponsorship pale in comparison with the advantages. Regarding brands, financing major-league games in various sports is an effective tool to build brand awareness and reach many potential customers. For instance, a lucrative sponsorship deal with Messi, a world-renowned footballer hailing from Argentina, would lead to the ubiquity of the Adidas brand through its logo and tagline displayed on every press. It has been translated into a surge in sales and revenues of this sportswear giant in recent years. At the same time, there is no need for funded sports organizations to worry about different costs, including training equipment, payment for coaching, and traveling expenses. Otherwise, many sportspeople struggled to earn a living and gradually lost their passion for professional games in the past. Hence, thanks to financial grants, athletes can have more time and motivation to focus on training and competing wholeheartedly. In conclusion, despite various drawbacks that sports funding has, it seems to me that they are far outweighed by the great benefits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
commercialization is advantageous or not. While there are several drawbacks of sponsorship in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I believe the benefits are greater.

On the on hand, financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
highly
problematic for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. One of the critical drawbacks is its uncertainty for both sportspeople and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
.
Typically
, funding is
contractually
based on each program,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is limited
or
quickly
withdrawn if the athletes or clubs involved do not follow their obligations. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
are not likely to control the sponsored entities and the entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of unsuccessful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teams, making it tough to manage their monetary inflows and outflows. Another significant issue could be the excessive manipulation of sponsors.
For example
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a game more marketable, the sport's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can be
strictly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over to what investors have required.
Therefore
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
too much control over the specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bodies, players might lose their professional core values.

On the other hand
, I would argue that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
sponsorship pale
in comparison
with the advantages. Regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
, financing major-league games in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an effective tool to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
awareness and reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential customers.
For instance
, a lucrative sponsorship deal with Messi, a world-renowned footballer hailing from Argentina, would lead to the ubiquity of the Adidas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
through its logo and tagline displayed on every press. It has
been translated
into a surge in sales and revenues of this sportswear giant in recent years. At the same time, there is no need for funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
organizations to worry about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
costs, including training equipment, payment for coaching, and traveling expenses.
Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportspeople struggled to earn a living and
gradually
lost their passion for professional games in the past.
Hence
, thanks to financial grants, athletes can have more time and motivation to focus on training and competing
wholeheartedly
.

In conclusion
, despite various drawbacks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
funding has, it seems to me that they are far outweighed by the great benefits.
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IELTS essay Sports commercialization is advantageous or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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