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What are the advantages and disadvantages of working/studying from home? Are there more advantages or disadvantages?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of working/studying from home? Are there more advantages or disadvantages? x2wPy
These days, due to the enhancement of technology, studying online becomes incredibly commonplace. Pandemic period is the main reason why all students have to study at home. Even though the health condition of scholars is the biggest priority focused by government and parents have no difficulty securing their children at home are some its profit. However they also would gain suffering from the drawbacks. As far as I am concerned, the consequences in many ways of online study are more than the benefit. On the one hand, there are few evident benefits of online classes which would be obtained by children. Firstly, students would feel secure studying at their home since there is no direct contact with others. It is one of the effective ways to make widespread alleviation of the covid-19 virus inasmuch as there is no population density in one point. Secondly, studying at home is far easier for parents to take wholesome care of their children. For instance they can control activity of their children to still focus to classes and grant banning to do not go to anywhere else. In other words, the children are put under strict parental surveillance which would have been impossible if they study in conventional institutes. On the other hand, there are some obvious disadvantages of the online study. Firstly, the eyes health of the students is the higher impact of the computer screens and it would lead to ill issues. Furthermore, constant stress is also recorded as the side effects of frequent intense screen-usage, such as students go through classes in front of desktop every day for hours and it would make them to gain dizzy because of screen radiation. Secondly, the most challenge of the online classes is the lack of focus of the student to pay attention to their teacher who gives explanation because of some interruption sounds from their family at home. Thirdly, the connection trouble that occurs during learning process definitely becomes the most common problem which happens because of unstable networking. For instance, they might miss some materials in classes and it makes them to feel misunderstanding about the lesson as well. In conclusion, even though there are some merits from studying online, too much would be shortcoming as a result. Maintaining the offline school should be prioritized to ensure quality of education received.
These days, due to the enhancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
becomes
incredibly
commonplace. Pandemic period is the main reason why all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home.
Even though
the health condition of scholars is the biggest priority focused by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents have no difficulty securing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home are
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its profit" or "some profit"?
some its profit
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they
also
would gain suffering from the drawbacks. As far as I
am concerned
, the consequences in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
are more than the benefit.

On the one hand, there are few evident benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which would
be obtained
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would feel secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at their home since there is no direct contact with others. It is one of the effective ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
widespread alleviation of the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
virus inasmuch as there is no population density in one point.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at home is far easier for parents to take wholesome care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, they".
instance they
can control activity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
still
focus to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and grant banning to do not go to anywhere else.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are put
under strict parental surveillance which would have been impossible if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in conventional institutes.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Firstly
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "eyes'" or "eye's"?
eyes
health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the higher impact of the computer screens and it would lead to ill issues.
Furthermore
, constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is
also
recorded as the side effects of frequent intense screen-usage, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in front of desktop every day for hours and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to gain dizzy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of screen radiation.
Secondly
, the most challenge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
is the lack of focus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to pay attention to their teacher who gives explanation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interruption sounds from their family at home.
Thirdly
, the connection trouble that occurs during learning process definitely becomes the most common problem which happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unstable networking.
For instance
, they might miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
materials in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to feel misunderstanding about the lesson
as well
.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, too much would be shortcoming
as a result
. Maintaining the offline school should
be prioritized
to ensure quality of education received.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of working/studying from home? Are there more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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