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What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? XD7bY
Technology is very important and useful for human kind. Because of the fast devolopment of technology in last decade, reaching technology and using it became easier for all people. Nowdays, electronic devices are everywhere in our lives. Computers are one of the most improved technologies lately. Because of that improvment, using computers are became common for everyone. Even children started to use computers and most of them are using it better than adults. However some people might be thinking children using computer and playing video games is not a good thing for their improvment. I think otherwise. Children playing video games and spending so much time in front of computer seems like a bad thing. However there is so many different video games and genres. Playing video games can add so many talents to child. Every genres can improve different parts of children. It can make children more creative, more social and so many other things. There is so many communities for video game players. They can use that communities for meeting people and became more social. That even can make their video game experience more fun. Of course children should not spend all their time with computer games. I think they even should not meet with technological devices until they became 7 years old. Growing up with only technologic devices and computer games can make children anti-social if they can not prevent overusing. When they start school, spending so much time with video games can effect children grades and school life. In that stage parents should be more careful with their child. Video games might be dangerous if used wrongly by children. But wtih right guidence that experience can be really useful and important for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and useful for human kind.
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Because
of the
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fast
Possible spelling mistake found.
devolopment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in last decade, reaching
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technology
and using it
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became
easier for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, electronic devices are everywhere in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Computers are one of the most
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improved
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technologies
lately.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that
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improvment
, using computers are
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
common for everyone. Even
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
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use
computers and most of them are using it better than adults.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might be thinking
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children
using computer and playing
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not a
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good
thing for their
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improvment
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
.

Children playing
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and spending
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so
much time in front of computer seems like a
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bad
thing.
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However
there is
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and genres. Playing
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
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so
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many
talents to child. Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "genre"?
genres
can
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improve
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different
parts of
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children
. It can
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make
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children
more creative, more social and
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so
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many
other things. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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many
communities for
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video
game players. They can
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use
that communities for meeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
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became
more social. That even can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
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video
game experience more fun.
Of course
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children
should not spend all their time with computer
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games
. I
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think
they even should not
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meet
with technological devices until they
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became
7 years
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old
.

Growing up with
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only
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technologic
devices and computer
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games
can
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make
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children
anti-social if they can not
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prevent
overusing. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grades and school life. In that stage parents should be more careful with their child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
if
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used
wrongly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Possible spelling mistake found.
wtih
right
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidence
that experience can be
really
useful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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