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Do you agree or disagree that towns and cities should have outdoor public spaces for people?

that towns and cities should have outdoor public spaces for people? e3wNx
Nowadays, many people prefer to stay at home for spending time with their family or by themselves. However, some people believe that it is more important to have outdoor public spaces, the benefits of these being related to improve their social skills and spend time with other people. To begin with, the outdoor public area is important for people to develop social skills. Many people today talk with other people on social media that make they afraid to communicate with face to face. Public outdoor area can help people to met more people and get out of their comfort zone, and it is very important for people to have social skills in their work or study. Therefore, people can improve their social skills from outdoor public area. Along with this, citizens have more places to spend time with other people. Outdoor area is important for people to do some activities with their friend without any paying: exercise, picnic, and more. Also, green area is important for people's lives: breath the fresh air. Therefore, it is important for people to do some activities with other people. All in all, the outdoor public area is important for people to have more sociable and met other people. If people do not have any outdoor area, they can have mental problems.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay at home for spending time with their family or by themselves.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spaces, the benefits of these
being related
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
talk with
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You miss the verb here. You should rather write: "they're afraid".
they afraid
to communicate with face to face.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to met more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their comfort zone, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in their work or study.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area.

Along with this, citizens have more places to spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities with their friend without any paying: exercise, picnic, and more.
Also
, green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
: breath the fresh air.
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

All in all, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more sociable and met
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, they can have mental problems.
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IELTS essay that towns and cities should have outdoor public spaces for people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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