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what are some ways to improve health?

what are some ways to improve health? 1nPY7
In some current years, people are especially interested in health problems, so they list some ways to take care of their health. By the way I see, there are three things we need to pay attention to have better health. Firstly, The easiest thing to be improved immediately is our diet. What we eat every day take large percentage of our health. For instance, if we are vegetarians or eat clean regularly, we have strong body. On the other hand, we can be overweight with unhealthy diet like eating fast food, snacks…etc. Secondly, health depends on our daily exercise mode. It is advisable that we should spend 15 to 30 minutes a day doing exercise, because it keeps your body being fit, flexible and hearty. However, we need to choose the suitable exercise and do not overtraining. The last way I want to discuss is that how the environment around us have an effect on our health. Pollution might cause many disease for people, such as, air pollution causes breathing problems or people using poisonous water can have cancer… and so on. Therefore, to ensure that we have stable health, we should become environmental friendly people. In addition, we also should have periodic health examination every 3 or 6 months. From three suggestions above, I hope everyone can have good health and balance lifestyle.
In
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some
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current
years,
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people
are
especially
interested in
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health
problems,
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so
they list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to take care of their
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health
. By the way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, there are three things we need to pay attention to have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, The easiest thing to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
immediately is our diet. What we eat every day take large percentage of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, if we are vegetarians or eat clean
regularly
, we have strong body.
On the other hand
, we can be overweight with unhealthy diet like eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, snacks…etc.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
depends on our daily exercise mode. It is advisable that we should spend 15 to 30 minutes a day doing exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
your body
being fit
, flexible and hearty.
However
, we need to choose the suitable exercise and do not
Possible spelling mistake found.
overtraining
. The last way I want to discuss is that how
Consider using "the surrounding environment".
the environment around us
have an effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Pollution might cause
Possible agreement error. The noun disease seems to be countable; consider using: "many diseases".
many disease
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as, air pollution causes breathing problems or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using poisonous water can have cancer… and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, to ensure that we have stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, we should become environmental friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, we
also
should have periodic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
examination every 3 or 6 months. From three suggestions above, I hope everyone can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and balance lifestyle.
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IELTS essay what are some ways to improve health?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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