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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 8
The displaced person needs food and shelter for their survival, therefore, rich nations should provide rudimentary support. This essay agrees that wealthy nations should accept and provide basic help to the refugees. Firstly, this essay will discuss how refugees struggle after they leave the country because of unfortunate circumstances and secondly, discuss how the help of rich nations play a big role in the life of refugees. Adverse situations in a country such as war, natural disaster lead to shuffling of pupils for the sake of survival. Such pupils struggle a lot after being abandoned with no hope of meeting the near ones, money, food and most importantly shelter. The situation becomes even worse when other countries don’t even accept and let the people in their country. For instance, after the water flood in Nepal, 20% of people are in Pakistan jail, as the Pakistan police consider them raw agents. Therefore, with the mutual understanding of the other country, the situation could be tackled in a different way. Rich nations play an integral part in serving refugees with basic amenities. The wealthy nations firstly should let them in the country with no doubt of raw agents or terrorists as these people will come in bulk and will be in an awful condition so after talking for a while they can easily understand that they escaped terrible incidence. Secondly, a community where masses who have faced horrible incidence or are away with their families should be kept together, this will have few advantages such as they no longer have to beg for food and shelter, also, they will be occupied the whole day and a chance that they could be migrated back to their country. In conclusion, if the rich nation works mutually with other countries and provides help to the displaced persons by letting them in then this will have a great positive impact on refugees life and struggles they face after being migrated due to unfortunate situations.
The displaced person needs food and shelter for their survival,
therefore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should provide rudimentary support. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should accept and provide basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
struggle after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unfortunate circumstances and
secondly
, discuss how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in the life of refugees.

Adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
such as war, natural disaster lead to shuffling of pupils for the sake of survival. Such pupils struggle a lot after
being abandoned
with no hope of meeting the near ones, money, food and most
importantly
shelter. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
becomes even worse when other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
don’t even accept and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, after the water flood in Nepal, 20% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in Pakistan jail, as the Pakistan police consider them raw agents.
Therefore
, with the mutual understanding of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
could
be tackled
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way.

Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
play an integral part in serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
with basic amenities. The wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
firstly
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with no doubt of raw agents or terrorists as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in bulk and will be in an awful condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
after talking for a while they can
easily
understand that they escaped terrible incidence.
Secondly
, a community where masses who have faced horrible incidence or are away with their families should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
together, this will have few advantages such as they no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
beg for food and shelter,
also
, they will
be occupied
the whole day and a chance that they could
be migrated
back to their country.

In conclusion
, if the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
works
mutually
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the displaced persons by letting them in then this will have a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
life and struggles they face after
being migrated
due to unfortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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