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Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.15

I believe that developed countries should accept more refugees and help them with fundamental needs. Aside from simply supporting refugees, it can also be a good way of preventing an unwanted increase in crime rates. Basic assistance, such as food and housing is a basic human right. Given that, wealthy countries should do everything to ensure that refugees coming to their countries will be provided with them. What should also be noted is the fact that refugees simply don’t have the resources to get food or housing themselves. Without any help from the country that they’re coming to, they can end up in another life-threatening situation. When refugees are met with this type of help from wealthy countries they don’t need to turn to another source of getting money, which is usually illegal. Without any, help refugees have little or no chance of getting a job that would allow them to buy food and get proper housing. Most of the time they don’t know the language, so the chances of them finding a real job are really low. But, if the country helped them with basic needs, they would have the possibility to get the needed skills and hopefully find some sort of work. Knowing the bad living conditions of refugees in their home countries, the wealthy ones should do everything in their power to make sure that refugee's new life will be much better. Providing them with basic needs would be not only beneficial to refugees but also to the wealthy countries welcoming them.
I believe that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should accept more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them with fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Aside from
simply
supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
, it can
also
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of preventing an unwanted increase in crime rates.

Basic assistance, such as food and housing is a basic human right.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should do everything to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
coming to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be provided
with them.

What should
also
be noted
is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
simply
don’t have the resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food or housing themselves. Without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that they’re coming to, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in another life-threatening situation.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
are met
with this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to turn to another source of getting money, which is
usually
illegal. Without any,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no chance of getting a job that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper housing. Most of the time they don’t know the language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the chances of them finding a real job are
really
low.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them with basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, they would have the possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
hopefully
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of work.

Knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
living conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
ones should do everything in their power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that refugee's new life will be much better. Providing them with basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
would be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
welcoming them.
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IELTS essay Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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