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We live in a world full of sorrows, suffering, despair, and happiness, therefore we constantly attempt to make our souls happy through spiritual and worldly endeavors. Few people feel that their lives would be perfect if they were millionaires. Others, on the other hand, feel that happiness has nothing to do with money. I absolutely agree with the latter approach, and I will explain in this essay

We live in a world full of sorrows, suffering, despair, and happiness, therefore we constantly attempt to make our souls happy through spiritual and worldly endeavors. Few people feel that their lives would be perfect if they were millionaires. Others, on the other hand, feel that happiness has nothing to do with money. I absolutely agree with the latter approach, and I will explain in this essay gq0KD
We live in a world full of sorrows, suffering, despair, and happiness, therefore we constantly attempt to make our souls happy through spiritual and worldly endeavors. Few people feel that their lives would be perfect if they were millionaires. Others, on the other hand, feel that happiness has nothing to do with money. I absolutely agree with the latter approach, and I will explain in this essay On the one hand, it is disputable that if a person can afford more, that one has a wider range of options and access to superior goods and devices. Whether it is about housing, food, medicines and treatment, education or anything else, the wealthier people are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations. Furthermore, if people can pay someone to do tedious chores, they can devote more time and energy to enjoying themselves. In addition, it is unjust, yet people tend to esteem the rich more than the poor and enjoy their company. On the other side, there are several reasons why supporters believe that money has no relationship with happiness. First and foremost, there are many significant things in life that cannot be purchased. People, for example, can buy the greatest medicines and treatments, but they cannot buy health. Furthermore, when we look at happiness throughout the world, we observe that it appears to exist independent of income. People in poor nations or underprivileged sections of affluent countries are just as capable of pleasure as those with large bank accounts. Simple pleasures, such as family and friends, are frequently the source of happiness. The world's happiest individuals believe that their lives have significance. There are many things in this world that bring us joy, but there are certain things that money cannot purchase. To summarize, affluence may make life much better and more pleasant, but it is far from all a person requires to be happy, and it can even be a burden at times. Wealth stops people from realizing the genuine worth of things, just seeing how much they cost. Personally, I feel that money provides many benefits to individuals in terms of their status and lifestyle, but it should not be equated as the most important aspect in providing pleasure.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world full of sorrows, suffering, despair, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
therefore
we
constantly
attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our souls happy through spiritual and worldly endeavors. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
would be perfect if they were millionaires. Others,
on the other hand
, feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
has nothing to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter approach, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay

On the one hand, it is disputable that if a person can afford more, that one has a wider range of options and access to superior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and devices. Whether it is about housing, food, medicines and treatment, education or anything else, the wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, the more they can fulfill their material aspirations.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay someone to do tedious chores, they can devote more time and energy to enjoying themselves.
In addition
, it is unjust,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to esteem the rich more than the poor and enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other side, there are several reasons why supporters believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has no relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
significant things in life that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the greatest medicines and treatments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
health.
Furthermore
, when we look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
throughout the world, we observe that it appears to exist independent of income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in poor nations or underprivileged sections of affluent countries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as capable of pleasure as those with large bank accounts. Simple pleasures, such as family and friends, are
frequently
the source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. The world's happiest individuals believe that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have significance. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in this world that bring us joy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are certain things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.

To summarize
, affluence may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life much better and more pleasant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is far from all a person requires to be happy, and it can even be a burden at times. Wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from realizing the genuine worth of things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seeing how much they cost.
Personally
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to individuals in terms of their status and lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
be equated
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in providing pleasure.
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IELTS essay We live in a world full of sorrows, suffering, despair, and happiness, therefore we constantly attempt to make our souls happy through spiritual and worldly endeavors. Few people feel that their lives would be perfect if they were millionaires. Others, on the other hand, feel that happiness has nothing to do with money. I absolutely agree with the latter approach, and I will explain in this essay

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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