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We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.11

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries with this statement v. 11
Some people argue that it is impossible to help everyone in the world so we should overcome our own challenges. To certain extent, I agree that we should try to focus on our community problems. However, I also believe that, there are people who are under substandard condition in other countries and need any help from us. On the one hand, I accept that it is essential to protect our people. That is fact, there are plenty needy people around us. They cannot able to overcome their problems. For instance, giving money, food or clothes might be great aid to support them. As a result, these people can be jumpy and relieve stress. If we did not help those people, they would be feel sick and chose some wrong way to solve their issues. On the other hand, I believe that governments and wealthy nations should helpful to other countries. There are deeper problems which face other countries. They cannot afford to deal with. For example Syria and other countries suffer from terrorism and global organizations, and developed countries can donate something to overtake it. In this way other countries can maintain problems and obstacle terrorism. If developed countries did not help those countries, this could lead to spread terrorism all over the world. In conclusion, although it is understandable to help our community, I also believe that helping other countries can bring stability over the world. People can feel safe and happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should overcome our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
challenges. To certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should try to focus on our community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, I
also
believe that, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are under substandard condition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and need any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from us.

On the one hand, I accept that it is essential to protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us. They
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, giving money, food or clothes might be great aid to support them.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be jumpy and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. If we did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they would be feel sick and chose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way to solve their issues.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and wealthy nations should helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There are deeper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They cannot afford to deal with.
For example
Syria and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
suffer from terrorism and global organizations, and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can donate something to overtake it. In this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and obstacle terrorism. If developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, this could lead to spread terrorism all over the world.

In conclusion
, although it is understandable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our community, I
also
believe that helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can bring stability over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can feel safe and happy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries with this statement v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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