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Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree 2
Although some people think that it is good these days if children own cell phones, others think it is of no use. In my opinion, I think children should not be given mobile phones as it can lead to addiction and wrong usage. On the one hand, some people think that it is better if children own cell phones. They think that cell phones can not only act as an emergency device for when of danger but can also help in communicating with their children. As both the parents are working in today' s time, it helps them to be in touch with their kids and keep them informed about their activities. For example, according to a recent survey, 40% of parents feel good at the workplace when they communicate with their children twice a day through cell phones. As a result, cell phones have become an important communicating device between parent and children. On the other hand, some people believe that giving cell phones to children is of no use. They point to the fact that children use it for socializing and playing games, which divert their attention from studies. For instance, 45% of children who own cell phones were caught using them between the lectures in school. Moreover, following too many social websites can lead to bad habits in children like bullying, delinquency, and truancy. Therefore, it is better if children do not have cell phones which encourages them to spend time studying and participating in extracurricular activities at school. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think children ought to not be given cell phones. Having this device can not only make them addictive but also expose to bad habits, which will divert their attention from the main aim of studies. Communicating in case of emergency have been taken care by schools and teachers these days, so instead of providing extra safety to the children, they ought to be sincere and independent for their own schedule, which is a need of an hour.
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some
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people
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think
that it is
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good
these days if
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children
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own
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cell
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phones
, others
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think
it is of no
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use
. In my opinion, I
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think
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children
should not be
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given
mobile
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phones
as it can lead to addiction and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
usage.

On the one hand,
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some
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people
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think
that it is better if
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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cell
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phones
. They
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think
that
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can not
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only
act as an emergency device for when of
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danger
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but
can
also
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help
in communicating with their
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children
. As both the parents are working in
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today&
#039; s time, it
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helps
them to be in touch with their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them informed about their activities.
For example
, according to a recent survey, 40% of parents feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at the workplace when they communicate with their
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children
twice a day through
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cell
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phones
.
As a result
,
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cell
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phones
have become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
communicating device between parent and children.

On the other hand
,
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some
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people
believe that giving
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cell
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phones
to
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children
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. They point to the fact that
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for socializing and playing games, which divert their attention from studies.
For instance
, 45% of
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children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were caught
using them between the lectures in school.
Moreover
, following too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social websites can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in
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children
like bullying, delinquency, and truancy.
Therefore
, it is better if
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children
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which encourages them to spend time studying and participating in extracurricular activities at school.

In conclusion
, while
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people
may vary in their opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Having this device can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them addictive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
expose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits, which will divert their attention from the main aim of studies. Communicating in case of emergency have
been taken
care by schools and teachers these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
instead
of providing extra safety to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they ought to be sincere and independent for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule, which is a need of an hour.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think its good to have their children mobile phones others disagree 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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