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We are familiar with two cultures Indian culture and western culture .which culture would you prefer and why?

We are familiar with two cultures Indian culture and western culture. which culture would you prefer and why? KwX7L
Nobody cna deny that, every countries have different culture which represent the personality and states. Indian culture is very old and all people of India, so far follow it but nowadays western culture is very popular, because most of people like it. In my opinion, due to the sophisticated technology, people habits are changing day by day. In my viewpoints, I prefer the Indian culture as I am Indian. In Indian culture is totally different from other cultures because in this, people celebrate lot of festivel such as Diwali, Holi, dushera, and so on. people generally wear the kurta pajama and women wear the suit and jutti. Eating the food, they really love to eat the mustard leaves and corn floor in Punjab. Building also represent the tradition and culture. For instance, lot of buildings, Inthe Rajasthan which is shown the Indian culture such as maharani place, hawa Mahal, pink city, and so on. choki dhanni is very popular and said that it is mirror of India. Turning to another side, nowadays western culture is eminent in some of countries because people would like to modern lifestyle. people generally wear shoes, jeans, expensive jewelry and so on therefore they feel more comfortable. People have no extra time to cook the food so that why they like to have fast food. Building are being made by new technics. To conclude, it seems that Indian culture is important for Indian because it is keep connected with the roots and incidents which is done by ancestors but western culture have become, through the technology, because like luxurious lifestyle.
Nobody
Possible spelling mistake found.
cna
deny that, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which represent the personality and states. Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far follow it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like it. In my opinion, due to the sophisticated technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
habits are changing day by day. In my viewpoints, I prefer the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as I am Indian.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
festivel
such as Diwali,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holi
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dushera
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
wear the
Possible spelling mistake found.
kurta
pajama and women wear the suit and
Possible spelling mistake found.
jutti
. Eating the food, they
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat the mustard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and corn floor in Punjab. Building
also
represent the tradition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
,
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
buildings,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inthe
Rajasthan which
is shown
the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
such as maharani place,
Possible spelling mistake found.
hawa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahal
, pink city, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Possible spelling mistake found.
choki
Possible spelling mistake found.
dhanni
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and said that it is
Consider using a past participle here: "mirrored".
mirror
of India.

Turning to another side, nowadays western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is eminent in
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the countries") or simply say "some countries".
some of countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to modern lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
generally
wear shoes, jeans, expensive jewelry and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
therefore
they feel more comfortable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have no extra time to cook the food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that why they like to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. Building are
being made
by new
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
.

To conclude
, it seems that Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for Indian
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
connected with the roots and incidents which
is done
by ancestors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
have become, through the technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
like luxurious lifestyle.
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IELTS essay We are familiar with two cultures Indian culture and western culture. which culture would you prefer and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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