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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. WdXe
The world is moving towards more technology oriented future. A number of jobs that were manual ten years back are now fully automated. From flying an airplane in an auto-pilot mode to contactless shopping, computer-based technology has changed the way we live. It would be difficult to imagine a life without computers as almost all of the jobs are dependant on computers. I personally feel that while this change in technology has a number of advantages but there are few serious concerns associated as well. One of the biggest advantage is that computers save a lot of time in doing a job. In case of shopping, a number of vendors have introduced contactless shopping where in you can just pay the amount by scanning a QR code. This is very helpful in pandemic times where every one is trying to avoid contact. Tracking of data is also helpful in most of the cases, from buying an insurance online to getting remainders when the policy is about to expire. The data tracking have major advantages in health care industry. A patient and doctor can now see the historic health data which makes it very easy to track the health records. Almost all of the major banks have online banking where in a customer can use online banking to update a record etc, this again saves a major time. There are more jobs in computer industry, so this change in technology has also changed increased the jobs. Since the personal data is also stored online or in the cloud, the biggest risk and disadvantage of increasing dependency on technology is data theft. There are many cases where the personal data of customer was hacked. Even though many companies have now started giving importance to data security standards and making sure that the data is safe, but still the risk of personal theft is still there. Data sharing is also something that is a major concern. A number of websites collect personal data and use it for analytics by sharing with some other vendor which can be violation to the customer. In conclusion, I believe we will be probably more dependent on computers in near future and our lives will improve as technology improves. While there are few concerns around around data security but there are many positive sides and advantages that we can focus on.
The world is moving towards more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
oriented future. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that were manual ten years back are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
fully
automated. From flying an airplane in an auto-pilot mode to contactless shopping, computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. It would be difficult to imagine a life without computers as almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on computers. I
personally
feel that while this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are few serious concerns associated
as well
.

One of the biggest
Please check whether a plural form of 'advantage' should be used.
advantage
is that computers save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In case of shopping, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of vendors have introduced contactless shopping where in you can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pay the amount by scanning a QR code. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in pandemic
It is better to use 'times' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "times when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
times where
every one is trying to avoid contact. Tracking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is
also
helpful in most of the cases, from buying an insurance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to getting remainders when the policy is about to expire. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
tracking have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
in health care industry. A patient and doctor can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the historic health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the health records. Almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
banks have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking where in a customer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking to update a record etc, this again saves a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
time. There are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in computer industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
increased the jobs.

Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is
also
stored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or in the cloud, the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and disadvantage of increasing dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
theft. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of customer
was hacked
.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
giving importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security standards and making sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is safe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
theft is
still
there.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Data
sharing is
also
something
that is
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
concern. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of websites collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for analytics by sharing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other vendor which can be violation to the customer.

In conclusion
, I believe we will be
probably
more dependent on computers in near future and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
. While there are few concerns
Possible typo: you repeated a word
around around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
that we can focus on.
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IELTS essay We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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