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Way I want to go to Canada?

I am a freelancer and I work from home who completed graduation and start freelancing since 2010. It is now 10 years I am doing freelancing and I face lots of obstacle in the mine time. My first common problem is payment methods. I have a lot of good clients and they paying me well but under a marketplace, which is a big problem for me. Most of the marketplace takes 20% of income from every freelancer, which is a huge amount for us per year. Secondly, I know different type of business like Dropshipping, Affiliate, Lead Generation and so no but the main problem is that I am unable to take money from clients or customers directly. For example, in the Dropshipping business, I need a legal payment method where every customer can pay for their product easily so that I can ship their product. However, in our country do not have that kind of payment methods so I am unable to start that business even I know that business very well and I can earn huge amount of money per year. Thirdly, working under marketplace is too much pain because they update their rules frequently and suspend the account without any notification. Yes, it is mandatory to update rules but before taking any action they should notify all of their freelancers who are struggling with their career. Every freelancer has good skill to make a good amount of money but they always in panic that when their account will be closed. For instance, Upwork is a big marketplace over the world who led 70% of market share in this area and most of the top-class freelancer work under freelancer, recently updated a rule that every person's payment methods should be separated. Whatever, after updated their rules they closed many big accounts who already earned a hundred thousand USD under their account. They may use more than one account like with his brother or sister name but use his Payoneer account under all account. If Upwork allowed it before then they should notify freelancer that you have to remove all of the payment methods you used other accounts otherwise your account will be closed. Finally, my career is not only the main factor in my life it is not like that. I like discipline, punctuality, honesty and so on but in our country none of the does not exist. I am disappointed when I go out of home and see no one follow any rules, everyone doing whatever they want. It makes my life painful. For all of those reasons, I want to leave my country of course not forever also for my next generation who deserve a better life.
I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
and I work from home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
completed graduation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
freelancing since 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
10 years I am doing freelancing and I face
Possible agreement error. The noun obstacle seems to be countable; consider using: “lots of obstacles”.
lots of obstacle
in the mine time. My
first
common problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
clients and
A verb seems to be missing. Did you mean “they’re paying”, “they are paying”, or “they were paying”?
they paying
me well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketplace
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for me. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketplace
takes 20% of income from every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
, which is a huge amount for us per year.

Secondly
, I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
like
This verb is normally spelled with a hyphen.
Dropshipping
, Affiliate, Lead Generation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main problem is that I am unable to take money from clients or customers
directly
.
For example
, in the
This verb is normally spelled with a hyphen.
Dropshipping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, I need a legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
where every customer can pay for their product
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can ship their product.
However
, in our country do not have that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
even I know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
well and
I can earn huge amount of money per year.

Thirdly
, working under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketplace
is too much pain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they update their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
frequently
and suspend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
without any notification. Yes, it is mandatory to update
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any action they should notify all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are struggling with their career. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they always in panic that when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
will
be closed
.
For instance
, Upwork is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketplace
over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
led 70% of market share in this area and most of the top-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
work under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
, recently updated a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
that every person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should
be separated
. Whatever, after updated their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
they closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
already earned a hundred thousand USD under their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
like with his brother or sister name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his Payoneer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
under all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
. If Upwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
then they should notify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
that you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remove
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounts
otherwise
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
will
be closed
.

Finally
, my career is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the main factor in my life it is not like that. I like discipline, punctuality, honesty and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in our country none of the does not exist. I
am disappointed
when I go out of home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no one follow any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, everyone
The pronoun ‘everyone’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “does”, “did”.
doing
whatever they want. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
my life painful. For all of those reasons, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my country
of course
not forever
also
for my
next
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
deserve a better life.
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IELTS essay Way I want to go to Canada?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
451 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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