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Official job or freelancing which one is more preferable to you? Discuss both view and give your own opinion

Every person needs a job or work to make money to survive. Regular job or Freelancing both can make money but the different person chooses a different type of job. In my opinion, I want to do Freelancing. On the one hand, nowadays freelancing is a common job for everyone but to do freelancing need to be a highly skilled person in a particular area. However, freelancing is just like you are free although it is not going to happen freelancer can be free whenever they want. For example, if any freelancer wants to work at night, they can even they can work in the morning, they can spend with their friends and family whenever they want. Also, freelancer can earn huge amount of money if they want, more they will work more they will earn. Whatever, the main drawback is uncertainty, they don't have any fixed or a permanent income where they can earn the same about every month. On the other hand, an official job is restricted from every corner. However, it has a fixed amount of salary but all of its activities are fixed. For example, for an official job need to go to the office in time, only one weekend which is also fixed. Moreover, if you work too hard your income will be the same. Your effort can't increase your income as you want. Most of the time which one fall you in trouble in your life. In conclusion, I would like to say, both jobs need hard work, dedication and honesty. Although freelancing has some disadvantage but I prefer freelancing as a career because I really don't like timetable which is more bad thing in official job, I think.
Every person
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needs
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
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work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money to survive. Regular
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job
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Freelancing
both can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person chooses a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do Freelancing.

On the one hand, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancing
is a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancing
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need
to be a
highly
skilled person in a particular area.
However
,
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freelancing
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like you are free although it is not going to happen freelancer can be free whenever they
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want
.
For example
, if any freelancer
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wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at night, they can even they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the morning, they can spend with their friends and family whenever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
.
Also
, freelancer can earn huge amount of money if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
, more they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more they will earn. Whatever, the main drawback is uncertainty, they don't have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
or a permanent income where they can earn the same about every month.

On the other hand
, an official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is restricted
from every corner.
However
, it has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
amount of salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all of its activities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
.
For example
, for an official
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job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go to the office in time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one weekend which is
also
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fixed
.
Moreover
, if you
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work
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
your income will be the same. Your effort can't increase your income as you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. Most of the time which one fall you in trouble in your life.

In conclusion
, I would like to say, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, dedication and honesty. Although
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freelancing
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I prefer
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freelancing
as a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
really
don't like timetable which is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing in official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
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IELTS essay Official job or freelancing which one is more preferable to you? Discuss both view and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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