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water at the ancient time in the universe

water at the ancient time in the universe 73bP6
What is the most necessary thing or action for you to survive? Some people will answer immediately that breathing is the essential action for their life. On the other hand, the other ones assume that both eating and breathing are all important. They are not wrong but there is still a lack of something in their answers. In reality, there are five basic things that our bodies need to be alive which are air, water, food, shelter, and sleep (Santevia, 2020). Water is one of the requirements for ourselves which is indispensable for our life. We all use water at all times in a day but how do you understand about this one thoroughly? We can know that water is a colorless and odorless liquid or even know that one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms make up water molecule. Is the understanding of the majority of us only like this? Sadly, the answer is absolutely yes. We all wonder, “Do we need to spend a lot of money on water bills per month? ” or “What manufacturer does this bottle of water come from? ” These are the things that we think about the water. Why don’t we try to take a look about the history and some benefits of water that are more important than what we know? According to many people, they consider that understanding water as a scientist is very useless for their daily life. On the contrary, knowledge in this field is such an essential thing because we can figure out how the Earth and we stay alive. There is a fact that water is much more older than our planet. Back to the history when the Big Bang occured, there were only three chemical elements which were hydrogen, helium and lithium. As you can see, oxygen did not exist at that time. This chemical element is one of the ingredients which can make up water molecule. If there was a lack of oxygen, how would water play an important role in our life as today? Nevertheless, after the Big Bang occurred 780 million years, the stars which were made up of hydrogen and helium that lit up the darkness of the universe. Then, these stars fused heavy elements into their core as they developed. As a result, oxygen was one of the elements inside the stars’ core. By the time these stars exploded, there was a new combination between oxygen and hydrogen in order to create the existence of water (The Secret of the Universe, 2021). From these statements, there are two questions that I want to mention which are “Why does water only exist in a pair of galaxies? ” and “Why does only the Earth have water for vitality? ”.
What is the most necessary thing or action for you to survive?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will answer immediately that breathing is the essential action for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the other hand
, the other ones assume that both eating and breathing are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. They are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
still
a lack of something in their answers. In reality, there are five basic things that our bodies need to be alive which are air,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, food, shelter, and sleep (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Santevia
, 2020).
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
is one of the requirements for ourselves which is indispensable for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
at all times in a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how do you understand about this one
thoroughly
?

We can know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is a colorless and odorless liquid or even know that one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
molecule. Is the understanding of the majority of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
like this?
Sadly
, the answer is
absolutely
yes. We all wonder, “Do we need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bills per month? ” or “What manufacturer does this bottle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from? ” These are the things that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Why don’t we try to take a look about the history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than what we know? According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they consider that understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
as a scientist is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useless for their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the contrary
, knowledge in this field is such an essential thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can figure out how the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Earth and
we stay alive.

There is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is much
Use only "older" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more older
than our planet. Back to the history when the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Bang
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
, there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
which were hydrogen, helium and lithium. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, oxygen did not exist at that time. This chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
is one of the ingredients which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
molecule. If there was a lack of oxygen, how would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
?
Nevertheless
, after the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Bang occurred 780 million years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
which
were made
up of hydrogen and helium that lit up the darkness of the universe. Then, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
fused heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
into their core as they developed.
As a result
, oxygen was one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
core. By the time these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
exploded, there was a new combination between oxygen and hydrogen in order to create the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
(The Secret of the Universe, 2021).

From these statements, there are two questions that I want to mention which are “Why does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
exist in a pair of galaxies? ” and “Why does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the Earth have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for vitality? ”.
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IELTS essay water at the ancient time in the universe

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
457 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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