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voluntary community service

voluntary community service dkGmp
Some individuals said that the authority should consider voluntary community service such as cleaning garbage in the vicinity or donating money to help the poor as a mandatory aspect of high school programs. From my point of view, I completely agree with this idea and this essay will highlight its benefits toward the students. It cannot be denied that high school students are all enjoying their sweet eighties with a positive attitude and a heart with great compassion that willing to join hands to make the world a better place. Therefore, providing them the opportunity in order that they can dedicate their strength and their intelligence to help people is a great idea. We will probably be amazed and admired by the achievements that the students bring. Furthermore, these activities can create the student’s the kind and generous manners, which help them to become a good citizen in the future. What is more, by participating in these community service, the student will have a chance to make more friends and learn new social skills that might be necessary for their future. For example, when the student taking part in teaching sports to kids, they will have to learn how to make the children to be kind and obeyed in class. Eventually, this is probably the chance for the younger generation to prove the adult the positive aspect of themselves. In conclusion, I cannot agree more to the idea of making unpaid community activities be a compulsory part of high school programs, because it provide the students the great opportunity to devote themselves to help other people and also gaining practical knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals said that the authority should consider voluntary community service such as cleaning garbage in the vicinity or donating money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor as a mandatory aspect of high school programs. From my point of view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will highlight its benefits toward the students.

It cannot
be denied
that high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are all enjoying their sweet eighties with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude and a heart with great compassion that willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place.
Therefore
, providing them the opportunity in order that they can dedicate their strength and their intelligence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. We will
probably
be amazed
and admired by the achievements that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
bring.
Furthermore
, these activities can create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
the kind and generous manners, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen in the future.

What is more
, by participating in these community service, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends and learn new social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that might be necessary for their future.
For example
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
taking part in teaching sports to kids, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the children to be kind and obeyed in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Eventually
, this is
probably
the chance for the younger generation to prove the adult the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of themselves.

In conclusion
, I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
more to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making unpaid community activities be a compulsory part of high school programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the great opportunity to devote themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
gaining practical knowledge.
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IELTS essay voluntary community service

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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