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unpaid community service into their curriculum as a compulsory part of High school students

unpaid community service into their curriculum as a compulsory part of High school students gGP6O
The juvenile, the core workforce in the future, are expected to contribute their green years to the development of the human race. Therefore, it is said that high school should add unpaid community service into their curriculum as a compulsory part. To my perspective, I can't agree with this viewpoint more. There is no doubt that unpaid community service will make their time at high school more valuable and noteworthy. They have opportunity to meet more people, make new friends. This is important and positive in the 4. 0 era, in which people interact with electronic devices more than humans. Moreover, they can help more people in their ability. As a result, happiness is the worthiest gift that this activity "paid" them for doing good things, instead of money. Beside of having a memorable high school's time, they can gain more knowledge and experience for their future. During the process of doing unpaid community service, the volunteers have a chance to absorb some essential soft skills, such as: team-working skill, communication skill, leader skill, . . . This is important for them in the future to become more confident in workplace as well as their social life. Not only absorbing more knowledge but also they can have more relationships, which will help them to get more chances to promote in their career afterward. These are what they are "paid" for dedicating without demands. In conclusion, unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school because it is so helpful for them, not only gaving them a memorable past time but also providing them more opportunities in the future. The most important thing is more and more people is helped, more and more happy that we can feel day by day and the world will become a better place soon.
The juvenile, the core workforce in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to contribute their green years to the development of the human race.
Therefore
, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
into their curriculum as a compulsory part. To my perspective, I can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint more.

There is no doubt that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school more valuable and noteworthy. They have opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in the 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'era' seems to be countable, so consider using: "eras".
era
, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with electronic devices more than humans.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their ability.
As a result
, happiness is the worthiest gift that this activity
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
paid
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
them for doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things,
instead
of money.

Beside of having a memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school's time, they can gain more knowledge and experience for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. During the process of doing unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, the volunteers have a chance to absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as: team-working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, leader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to become more confident in workplace
as well
as their social life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
absorbing more knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can have more relationships, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more chances to promote in their career afterward. These are what they are
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
paid
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for dedicating without demands.

In conclusion
, unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should be compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful for them, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
gaving
them a memorable
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
providing them more opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
, more and more happy that we can feel day by day and the world will become a better place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

IELTS essay unpaid community service into their curriculum as a compulsory part of High school students

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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