Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Visit A Chocolate Factory

Visit A Chocolate Factory x810b
One of the most funny trips to us is visit chocolate factory because we all love chocolate. When we saw an advertisement on tv about chocolate we hope to be there and watch how to make the chocolate. I and my family decided to visit chocolate factory because we curious about it. We tried to search about factory to visit. We chose specifically Nutella factory to visit it Because it allow visitor to came and showed them how to make their delicious chocolate. They made special section to visitor in order to let them enjoyed their trip. We made a list for what we want to learn about the factory because we want to invest every second there. Although I don't like factories, but really I was so excited to go to the factory. When we arrived to the factory, there was chocolate specialist waiting for us. Then, we entered to the factory, and they give us the instruction of the trip. They told us of thing we couldn’t do it like touching the machine, and walking in dangerous areas. After that, we started by showing the material such as milk, sugar, and cacao powder. Later, we continued to the most exciting step which is the mixing the material in the machine. Finally, we arrived to the final station where we found the factory product like chocolate milk, chocolate bar, and a lot of other product. In conclusion, it was so funny trip, and we learn a lot of thing from it, so I suggested everyone to try this experience. Because we enjoyed in our trip, we decided to visit other factories.
One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
to us is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
chocolate. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an advertisement on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
about chocolate we hope to be there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the chocolate. I and my family decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we curious
about it. We tried to search about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
. We chose
specifically
Nutella
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it
Did you mean "allows"?
allow
visitor to
Did you mean "come"?
came
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their delicious chocolate. They made special section to visitor in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enjoyed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
. We made a list for what we want to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we want to invest every second there. Although I don't like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
really
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited to go to the factory.

When we arrived to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
, there was chocolate specialist waiting for us. Then, we entered to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
, and they give us the instruction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us of thing we couldn’t do it like touching the machine, and walking in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
areas. After that, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by showing the material such as milk, sugar, and cacao powder. Later, we continued to the most exciting step which is the mixing the material in the machine.
Finally
, we arrived to the final station where we found the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
product like chocolate milk, chocolate bar, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other product.

In conclusion
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
, and we learn
Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of things".
a lot of thing
from it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I suggested everyone to try this experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we enjoyed in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
, we decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Visit A Chocolate Factory

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts