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violent video games cause behavior problems

violent video games cause behavior problems 2PEgJ
In recent years, the issue as to whether violent video games can cause wrong actions in young children has become a controversial debate. While some believe these brutal games should be banned for misleading users, I am of the view that they still have a host of benefits in the era of technology today. Discussed below are several primary reasons that support my perspective. It is understandable why many subscribe to the view that violent games make teenagers embark on a life of crime. Advocates might argue that these games could desensitize gamers to many violent and bloody scenes which will make users become tempted to commit crimes as a way of addressing problems. Indeed, gamers might be familiarized with lots of weapons and feel normal when shooting guns or wielding their swords. Therefore, students might bring their weapons such as guns and knives alongside to school in order to show their strength or protect themselves. Furthermore, the argument in favour of violent games is reinforced by the fact that users might be addicted when playing them. Most of the users are children and teenagers, those who have little resistance to the 3D screen with attractive images. Therefore, they might sit there for hours and hours playing games without taking any meals or doing any activities, which inevitably leads to the sedentary lifestyle in the young generation. I am firmly convinced that these simulation games have many positive effects. First, children can make friends with lots of gamers who have the same preference in the virtual world where they are playing. It could be a powerful tool for busy parents who have no time for play with their kids, yet still do not want their children get autism or feel alone. Secondly, many researches have been carried out in terms of violent games and they show little evidence in favor of bloody simulation games causing behavior problems. In fact, children can enhance their creativity and imagination through a wide range of activities including flying to new lands, protecting something by their own power, saving the world, and so on. In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts have given us an outline of justification for both drawbacks and benefits of playing violent video games. I opine that the advantages accrued from this are far weightier than the disadvantages. Therefore, everyone should accordingly have further consideration on it.
In recent years, the issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become a controversial debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe these brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
for misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
, I am of the view that they
still
have a host of benefits in the era of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Discussed below are several primary reasons that support my perspective.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subscribe to the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
embark on a life of crime. Advocates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could desensitize gamers to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
and bloody scenes which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
become tempted to commit crimes as a way of addressing problems.
Indeed
, gamers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be familiarized
with lots of weapons and feel normal when shooting guns or wielding their swords.
Therefore
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
bring their weapons such as guns and knives alongside to school in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their strength or protect themselves.

Furthermore
, the argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is reinforced
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be addicted
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
them. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, those who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
resistance to the 3D screen with attractive images.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
sit there for hours and hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without taking any meals or doing any activities, which
inevitably
leads to the sedentary lifestyle in the young generation.

I am
firmly
convinced that these simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with lots of gamers who have the same preference in the virtual world where they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
. It could be a powerful tool for busy parents who have no time for play with their kids,
yet
still
do not want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
autism or feel alone.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches have
been carried
out in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
evidence in favor of bloody simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
causing behavior problems. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enhance their creativity and imagination through a wide range of activities including flying to new lands, protecting something by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
power, saving the world, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, the above-mentioned facts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us an outline of justification for both drawbacks and benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I opine that the advantages accrued from this are far weightier than the disadvantages.
Therefore
, everyone should
accordingly
have
further
consideration on it.
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IELTS essay violent video games cause behavior problems

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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