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Violent songs should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Violent songs should be banned. Do you agree or disagree? YRa1V
It is said that song with violent content which increase to aggressive behavior should be banned. I believe that this lyrics causes several problems in the psychological and social fields. In the following paragraphs a piece of evidence will be provided. Firstly, psychologically speaking, listening violent songs gradually penerate in people's minds. Consequently they subconsciously are impressed these songs and tend to aggressive behavior. For instance, during 40s a Hungarian song called Gloomy Sunday was composed which caused many people commit suicide after listening to it. Secondly, rough songs usually contain many bad and adverse words. It may provoke immorality among people especially adolescents. Recently, some researches have been done which indicate that children who are interested in rough music such as rock and rap, usually use inappropriate words in their daily speeches. Namely, my cousin does not speak respectfully with his parents and his teachers because he is always listening to harsh musics. In conclusion, there is a link between violent songs and immorality and aggressive behavior. Therefore, the authorities must prevent production and publication of anything with violent content such as movies musics and etc.
It
is said
that song with
violent
content which increase to aggressive behavior should
be banned
. I believe that this lyrics causes several problems in the psychological and social fields. In the following paragraphs a piece of evidence will
be provided
.

Firstly
,
psychologically
speaking, listening
violent
songs
gradually
penerate
in
people
's minds.
Consequently
they
subconsciously
are impressed
these songs and tend to aggressive behavior.
For instance
, during 40s a Hungarian song called Gloomy Sunday
was composed
which caused
many
people
commit suicide after listening to it.

Secondly
, rough songs
usually
contain
many
bad
and adverse words. It may provoke immorality among
people
especially
adolescents. Recently,
some
researches have
been done
which indicate that children who
are interested
in rough music such as rock and rap,
usually
use
inappropriate words in their daily speeches.
Namely
, my cousin does not speak
respectfully
with his parents and his teachers
because
he is always listening to harsh musics.

In conclusion
, there is a link between
violent
songs and immorality and aggressive behavior.
Therefore
, the authorities
must
prevent
production and publication of anything with
violent
content such as movies musics
and etc
.
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IELTS essay Violent songs should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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