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Today everybody is being addicted to using a computer and this trend brings many negatives to our lives. So, there is an opinion that this development can not be reversed. Do you agree or disagree?

Today everybody is being addicted to using a computer and this trend brings many negatives to our lives. So, there is an opinion that this development can not be reversed. 863Dw
It is argued that currently, people are inclined to use their PCs and gradually they become addicted which in the long run ends up having lots of negative impacts. That is why people believe that this attitude is irreversible. Personally, I would agree with the opinion because the recent century demands people to spend their time with their technological gadgets. First of all, it seems that dependence on technology is dramatically increasing day by day due to the fact that people are required to have cell phones, PCs, Ipads and other gadgets all around the world. In other words, no matter where they go they will unconsciously need to use them. For example, if a person wants to work in a company he/she should possess appropriate qualities of working with the computer. With the help of this demanding environment, people are indeliberately pushed to use their gadgets so that they are up to date and suitable for potential working or studying opportunities. The second point to consider is that people tend to spend their leisure time using their PCs. It is obvious that with the introduction of new technology other habits such as reading, watching films, and related activities were slightly overshadowed which made way for new leisure time activities to be the trend activity. For instance, while a person would spend their time playing outside last century, nowadays people opt for playing inside with their phones or computers. That is why the current century has been fuel for making people addicted to their gadgets. To summarize, it is clear that there are a number of reasons why people become inclined and as time goes on the situation gets to a point where it is not possible to reverse.
It
is argued
that
currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their PCs and
gradually
they become addicted which in the long run ends up having lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this attitude is irreversible.
Personally
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the recent century demands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their technological gadgets.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it seems that dependence on technology is
dramatically
increasing day by day due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to have cell phones, PCs,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ipads
and other gadgets all around the world.
In other words
, no matter where they go they will
unconsciously
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
For example
, if a person wants to work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
he/she should possess appropriate qualities of working with the computer. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this demanding environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
indeliberately
pushed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are up to date and suitable for potential working or studying opportunities.

The second point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using their PCs. It is obvious that with the introduction of new technology other habits such as reading, watching films, and related activities were
slightly
overshadowed which made way for new leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activities to be the trend activity.
For instance
, while a person would spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing outside last century, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for playing inside with their phones or computers.
That is
why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century has been fuel for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to their gadgets.

To summarize
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become inclined and as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
goes on the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to a point where it is not possible to reverse.
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IELTS essay Today everybody is being addicted to using a computer and this trend brings many negatives to our lives. So, there is an opinion that this development can not be reversed.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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