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violent media will lead humans to a dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on society

violent media will lead humans to a dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on society KlEa1
Some people believe that violent media will lead humans to a dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on society. In the following paragraph, both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. Firstly. From my point of view, people act from their movies, regardless of what they see on the television. So if someone is intent to do harm to somebody, it not because of the violent media or video games, but due to their characters and education. Although it is generally considered that violent media and video games accustom viewers to cruelty, I doubt this opinion, In my view, reasonable and intelligent people treat others humanely irrespective of what they see or hear in fictional stories. Moreover, video games and TV sets may even reduce violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness. In other words, truculent people may fight in visual reality instance evincing their combative spirit in the real world. this may not only help these people but also reduce the level of social violence from a long-term perspective. Finally, despite, most claims and assumptions about the negative effects of television and video games I have never seen any proven connection between violent media and illegal activities in social life. In conclusion, I think violent media and TV sets have no influence on people’s behaviour. TV sets and video games are not the main factors that shape personal characters, and they even are useful in reducing the level of violence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will lead humans to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
future, while others disagreed with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and claim that it has no damaging effect on society. In the following paragraph, both of these views will
be discussed
in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the conclusion
is reached
.

Firstly
. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act from their movies, regardless of what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if someone is intent to do harm to somebody, it not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to their characters and education. Although it is
generally
considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
accustom viewers to cruelty, I doubt this opinion, In my view, reasonable and intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treat others
humanely
irrespective of what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or hear in fictional stories.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and TV sets may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness.
In other words
, truculent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may fight in visual reality instance evincing their combative spirit in the real world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of social violence from a long-term perspective.
Finally
, despite, most claims and assumptions about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
I have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
any proven
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and illegal activities in social life.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and TV sets have no influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. TV sets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not the main factors that shape personal characters, and they even are useful in reducing the level of violence.
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IELTS essay violent media will lead humans to a dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on society

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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