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it is wrong to keep animals in zoos?

it is wrong to keep animals in zoos? 5aEqQ
One of the most attractive place in modern cities has become zoos. It is crowded by people of all ages, ranging from families to researchers, but is the right choice to keep animals far from their natural habitat? Firstly, we have to change our thought about the classic idea of zoo. Modern buildings have become more secure and comfortable than the past. Every species has their own habitat, which perfectly reflect the original environment. Temperature, humidity, and typical food are strictly controlled in each habitat. Secondly, with those modern structures, a lot of endangered species are well protected by extinction. If zoos hadn't protected animals from haunting, now many species like tigers, polar bears and elephants would be in danger. The last but not least, zoos have a great influence on education of visitors and researchers. People have the opportunity to better understand how these species live and learn more about them. To sum up, zoos have become an important center of researching and their development must be supported. In light of this, in my opinion governments should invest more money on zoos.
One of the most attractive
place
in modern cities has become zoos. It
is crowded
by
people
of all ages, ranging from families to researchers,
but
is the right choice to
keep
animals far from their natural habitat?

Firstly
, we
have to
change
our
thought
about the classic
idea
of zoo. Modern buildings have become

more secure and comfortable than the past. Every species has
their
own
habitat, which
perfectly
reflect the original environment. Temperature, humidity, and typical food are
strictly
controlled in each habitat.

Secondly
, with those modern structures,
a lot of
endangered species are well protected by extinction.

If zoos hadn't protected animals from haunting,
now
many
species like tigers, polar bears and elephants would be in
danger
.

The last
but
not least, zoos have a great influence on education of visitors and researchers.
People
have the opportunity to better understand how these species
live
and learn more about them.

To sum up, zoos have become an
important
center of researching and their development
must
be supported
. In light of this, in my opinion
governments
should invest more money on zoos.
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IELTS essay it is wrong to keep animals in zoos?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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