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Violent leisure programs has bad impacts on children. What are the causes and solutions for this problem? v.1

Violent leisure programs has bad impacts on children. What are the causes and solutions for this problem? v. 1
Today's world is full of technology. In aspect of every field technology is available which is beneficial for the growth of a person but has a negative effects also. Like computers, mobile phones, TV programs are excessively used by the children have bad impacts on them due to this the rate of violence is increasing day by day in the children's that's why their parents feel unhappy. To begin with, the violent leisure programs have many bad impacts on the children. If the children watch these violent programs excessively then all the time they think about these and try to use all the tricks and tactics in their real life. Due to these violent programs, there is a great impact on the children, their behaviour they become very aggressive and start getting irritatingly on small things and matters. They try to solve the matters and situations as they have seen in the films and programs. Other harmful impact is children start making arguments with their parents and they don't concentrate on their studies as well. So there are many harmful effects on the children. To get rid of this problem there are many solutions like parents should keep eagle eye on their children like what they do, where they go and what they watch also check their friend circle and should also spend quality time with their children as well to hear the problems and give solutions to them. The Government should make restrictions on the censor board who make all these violence enriched programs, there should be an age limit also a person of particular age can watch these programs. After parents, teachers are considered as a second parent for children who take better care of them, they can also help the children to come out from the violence. So there are many ways and solutions for this problem. In conclusion, parents should teach their children about the difference between real and reel life. There should be restrictions on the violent programs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's world is full of technology. In aspect of every field technology is available which is beneficial for the growth of a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
also
. Like computers, mobile phones, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
on them due to this the rate of violence is increasing day by day in the children's that's why their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel unhappy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
excessively
then all the time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about these and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all the tricks and tactics in their real life. Due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, there is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aggressive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
getting
irritatingly
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things and matters. They try to solve the matters and situations as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. Other harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making arguments with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they don't concentrate on their studies
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful effects on the children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this problem there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eagle eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like what they do, where they go and what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their friend circle and should
also
spend quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
to hear the problems and give solutions to them. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
restrictions on the censor board who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all
Did you mean "this violence" or "these violences"?
these violence
enriched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, there should be an age limit
also
a person of particular age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers
are considered
as a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who take better care of them, they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from the violence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and solutions for this problem.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the difference between real and reel life. There should be restrictions on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Violent leisure programs has bad impacts on children. What are the causes and solutions for this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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