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Violent films have been increasing dramatically in recent years and it is believed that the circumstance has resulted in a number of issues to society

Violent films have been increasing dramatically in recent years and it is believed that the circumstance has resulted in a number of issues to society E79mR
Violent films have been increasing dramatically in recent years and it is believed that the circumstance has resulted in a number of issues to society. While problems like its impact on people's mental health or rising crimes are widely known, there are several ways to resolve these issues. First of all, violent acts in movies can be a very harmful influence on a person's behavior, especially in children or teenagers. Diligent addiction to fighting or killing scenes in films can cause a child to be more aggressive, less sympathetic and grow as a heartless person. Moreover, a character with a high frequency of violence in movies is usually the portrait of heroes or saviors, and they are made to be admired. This leads some people to feel that it is crucial that violence should be involved in every problem they face and as a consequence, the level of bad acts in society will increase quickly. Children or teenagers may become robbers, killers or any kind of criminals when they grow up. To combat these issues, an immediate participation of the government and families are truly needed. One of the measures is, the government must prevent movie producers from showing violent scenes of heroes as ’justice’ in their process of making. Instead, the consequences of those acts should be emphasized as the wrong way of making our life better. Parents should also take the responsibility of raising their children properly by putting their daughters and sons in discipline. Since children are the ones taking the risk of being easily affected by movies, families have to ensure that young children do not watch films without supervision from the adults. In conclusion, the increasing violence in films has led to so many consequences including high levels of crimes and a big risk of children or teenagers growing in the wrong way. Only when governments or families are able to control the movie producers or oversee the kind of movies they watch, will the problems can be decreased.
Violent films have been increasing
dramatically
in recent years and it
is believed
that the circumstance has resulted in a number of issues to society. While problems like its impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental health or rising crimes are
widely
known, there are several ways to resolve these issues.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, violent acts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful influence on a person's behavior,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Diligent addiction to fighting or killing scenes in films can cause a child to be more aggressive, less sympathetic and grow as a heartless person.
Moreover
, a character with a high frequency of violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is
usually
the portrait of heroes or saviors, and they
are made
to
be admired
. This leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feel that it is crucial that violence should
be involved
in every problem they face and as a consequence, the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
acts in society will increase
quickly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may become robbers, killers or any kind of criminals when they grow up.

To combat these issues, an immediate participation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and families are
truly
needed. One of the measures is, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
producers from showing violent scenes of heroes as ’justice’ in their process of making.
Instead
, the consequences of those acts should
be emphasized
as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way of making our life better. Parents should
also
take the responsibility of raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
properly
by putting their daughters and sons in discipline. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the ones taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ensure that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films without supervision from the adults.

In conclusion
, the increasing violence in films has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "including". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences including
high levels of crimes and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
growing in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or families are able to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
producers or oversee the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, will the problems can
be decreased
.
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IELTS essay Violent films have been increasing dramatically in recent years and it is believed that the circumstance has resulted in a number of issues to society

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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