Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Violence on television and in computer games.

Violence on television and in computer games. XEPn8
Nowadays, violence is growing in social media and video games where some people think that it can have a negative effect to the public while others disagree. I think that this can create aggressiveness among the society. Firstly, the violence in movies and games can lead to hatred among humanity. For example, videos which contain misunderstandings between two parties can lead people to choose one particular side. Hatred can grow among each other and eventually escalate into fights between themselves. Moreover, video games and television can even increase social violence. In other words, violent people are fighting in reality instead of fighting in the virtual world. This can increase the level of social violence in the long term. In conclusion, I highly believe that violence in social platforms and games can have a damaging effect on the society. I would say that violence in television and in computer games has a significant impact on people's behavior. These are the main factors that shape personal character and, if used correctly, can be helpful in reducing the level of violence.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is growing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect to the public while others disagree. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this can create aggressiveness among the society.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can lead to hatred among humanity.
For example
, videos which contain misunderstandings between two parties can lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to choose one particular side. Hatred can grow among each other and
eventually
escalate into fights between themselves.

Moreover
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and television can even increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
In other words
, violent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are fighting in reality
instead
of fighting in the virtual world. This can increase the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the long term.

In conclusion
, I
highly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a damaging effect on the society. I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in television and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has a significant impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's behavior. These are the main factors that shape personal character and, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
, can be helpful in reducing the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Violence on television and in computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Violence on television and in computer games.