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VIOLENCE IN MEDIA PROMOTES VIOLENCE IN SOCIETY. AGREE OR DISAGREE?

VIOLENCE IN MEDIA PROMOTES VIOLENCE IN SOCIETY. AGREE OR DISAGREE? gxENA
It is said that we become what we pay attention to, this age old saying holds true in every walk of life including violence in media. Indubitably, both petty and serious crimes telecasted on media – visual, print or online has contributed to an upsurge of violence in society. The topic of witnessing violence and displaying it in form of aggressive behavior is not new. Many psychologists including Albert Bandura testified the correlation between the two. Most of the video games including grand theft auto and far cry are based on violence and these games very subtly convey an implicit message that it is okay to be bad and that it is alright to resort to violence if need be. It is because of this reason that world has witnessed epidemic proportions of crimes being committed by juveniles in contemporary times. However, on the flip side, saying that showing violence has only copycat effects will be incorrect. No one can deny that media is a potent tool for creating awareness in the society and the crimes shown on media are eye-opener for many people. People are made aware of the recent trends in crime by media only and this in turn makes them be watchful about these. Conclusively, it can be said that showing violence have many detrimental effects specially for the ones who are facing identity crisis but it has its fair chunk of positives too. The best solution to tackle this problem is to design more constructive and ethical media for the young ones and parental supervision should be mandatory while seeing the mildly violent media. In one of the more recent surveys, it was found that by the age of 18, an average child has seen approximately 2, 00, 000 acts of violence, including serious ones like rape, murder or communal riots. This in turn conditions and inspires the young brains towards committing such heinous acts. The parents and other caretakers may tell the young brains that it is bad to be bad but children follow what they see and what not they hear.
It
is said
that we become what we pay attention to, this age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying holds true in every walk of life including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Indubitably
, both petty and serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
visual, print or online has contributed to an upsurge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in society.

The topic of witnessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and displaying it in form of aggressive behavior is not new.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
psychologists including Albert
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bandura
testified the correlation between the two. Most of the video games including
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
grand theft auto
and far cry
are based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and these games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
subtly
convey an implicit message that it is okay to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and that it is alright to resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
if need be. It is
because of this
reason that world has witnessed epidemic proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
being committed
by juveniles in contemporary times.

However
, on the flip side, saying that showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
copycat effects will be incorrect. No one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a potent tool for creating awareness in the society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
shown on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are eye-opener for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are made
aware of the recent trends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and this in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them be watchful about these.

Conclusively
, it can
be said
that showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects
specially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are facing identity crisis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chunk of positives too. The best solution to tackle this problem is to design more constructive and ethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and parental supervision should be mandatory while seeing the
mildly
violent media.

In one of the more recent surveys, it
was found
that by the age of 18, an average child has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
approximately 2, 00, 000 acts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, including serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
like rape, murder or communal riots. This in turn conditions and inspires the young brains towards committing such heinous acts.

The parents and other caretakers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the young brains that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
children follow what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and what not they hear.
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IELTS essay VIOLENCE IN MEDIA PROMOTES VIOLENCE IN SOCIETY. AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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