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Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Today, people can observe a lot of violence and cruelty on the tv channels. I totally agree and suppose that the government must take measures on that question due to the reason, that it can negatively sway on the psychology of young generation and increase the level of crime in the city. Firstly, cruelty and savagery on the television impacts adversely on the children’s mind and cause numerous psychological diseases. Young generation tend to believe for everything which is appearing on the screen of television. When cruelty emerges on the TV, children may accept and assume that violence in the society is a normal situation. For instance, it was having said by scientists, that harshness and violence on the television enhances the level of aggression among children and may cause diseases connected with psychology. That is why establishing the new laws will be the best solution of that issue. Next, government must comprehend that showing a violence on the television will rise the level of crime in the city. When human watches only a cruelty on the TV, he will suppose and even create a plan of crime due to the reason, that the psychic of that human is changed. For instance, among the countries such as Somali, Syria and Mali people usually observe only negative news connected with cruely. That is one of the reasons, why the level of crime on these countries is high. If the government establish the new laws which ban the cruelty on TV, the level of crime will sharply decrease! To recapitulate, there must be established laws which will control the content of the television. Otherwise, it will negatively impact on psychology of children and rise the level of crime.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can observe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cruelty
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
channels. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and suppose that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take measures on that question due to the reason, that it can
negatively
sway on the psychology of young generation and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the city.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cruelty
and savagery on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
impacts
adversely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mind and cause numerous psychological diseases. Young generation tend to believe for everything which is appearing on the screen of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cruelty
emerges on the TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may accept and assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the society is a normal situation.
For instance
, it was having said by scientists, that harshness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
enhances the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of aggression among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and may cause diseases connected with psychology.
That is
why establishing the new laws will be the best solution of that issue.

Next
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
comprehend that showing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will rise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the city. When human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cruelty
on the TV, he will suppose and even create a plan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
due to the reason, that the psychic of that human is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
For instance
, among the countries such as Somali, Syria and Mali
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news connected with
Possible spelling mistake found.
cruely
.
That is
one of the reasons, why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
on these countries is high. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
establish the new laws which ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cruelty
on TV, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will
sharply
decrease!

To recapitulate, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be established
laws which will control the content of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Otherwise
, it will
negatively
impact on psychology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and rise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
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IELTS essay Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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