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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Offspring's today experience educational, financial and community-based challenges, these trends are mainly due parents' pressure and consumerist society. However, there are number of measures that can be implemented to resolve this issue. One reason for the academic pressure is that parents force their children to have knowledge in every field, causing them to engage in many after school activities and private tuitions. A good illustration of this is by comparing nowadays generation with the older ones, many children today usually attend international private schools instead of public schools, likewise, when it comes to the activities they join. Another cause is that scholars are no longer competing with their neighbors or even with those in the same town or city, the competition now is worldwide. Consequently, limited opportunities are available. To tackle this problem parents should put realistic expectations from their children, also teach them how to compete and accept their loses. Regarding commercial and social pressure, exposure to consumerist society triggers vigorous stress on scholars especially teens. The fact that they must follow the latest trend as their colleagues exert both financial pressure on the parents and the children. For example, when a new model of a mobile phone is release, they obligate their parents to buy it. if they do not, they will stress out. Parents usually do not allow their children to cross the traditions borders although they want to adopt the global culture. Teachers, and social councilors should raise the awareness about the following trends and the difference in the culture and traditions around the world. Wearing ripped jeans for example, many parents in the middle east do not permit wearing it due to the conservative environment. To sum up, following the global trend, the highly competitive environment and parents force lead to children being exposed to pressure from different aspects. Only when parents, teachers and school councilors try to find a proactive and active solutions, with this situation be remedied.
Offspring's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
experience educational, financial and community-based challenges, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
are
mainly
due parents'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and consumerist society.
However
, there are
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a number of”?
number of
measures that can
be implemented
to resolve this issue.

One reason for the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have knowledge in every field, causing them to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities and private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is by comparing nowadays generation with the older ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
usually
attend international private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
instead
of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
likewise
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the activities they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
. Another cause is that scholars are no longer competing with their neighbors or even with those in the same town or city, the competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is worldwide.
Consequently
, limited opportunities are available. To tackle this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should put realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
also
teach them how to compete and accept their loses.

Regarding commercial and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, exposure to consumerist society triggers vigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on scholars
especially
teens. The fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
as their colleagues exert both financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, when a new model of a mobile phone is release, they obligate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. if they do not, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
out.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
usually
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cross the traditions borders although they want to adopt the global culture. Teachers, and social councilors should raise the awareness about the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
and the difference in the culture and traditions around the world. Wearing ripped jeans
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
do not permit wearing it due to the conservative environment.

To sum up, following the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, the
highly
competitive environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
councilors try to find a proactive and active solutions, with this situation
be remedied
.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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