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Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Our environment is full of cruelty. There are the programs which show violence on TV, and more and more people want laws to control the amount of time having violence. It is disagreed that cruelty on television should be more illegal, because TV does not affect people’s mind, they should accept the reality. Firstly, the violence in the world does not exist because of television only. Hard relationships with people can be the reason for that. For example, by the words of scientists people who have childhood trauma are most likely to become cruel in the future, and it is possible that thieves have problems with relationship or their family. That explains the main reason of violence in the society. So, solving this problem does not depend on amount of cruel scenes on television. Secondly, the reality should become the norm to see. Most of people are trying to have ideal life with no other problems, even if there are the situations which are able to make everyone scared. It seems like a world with rose-colored glasses which is harmfully affect that kind of person. He or she will lose a lot of things from life if they do not change. In my opinion, there can be some complexes about doing everything ideally which is considered as a psychological illness. That is quite hard to live like that. Thus, reality is important. In conclusion, I can say that television does not make people cruel and do not show something bad, just our reality. Cruelty and violence in our world should be shown without any locks.
Our environment is full of cruelty. There are the programs which
show
violence
on TV, and more and more
people
want laws to control the amount of time having
violence
. It
is disagreed
that cruelty on television should be more illegal,
because
TV
does
not affect
people’s
mind, they should accept the reality.

Firstly
, the
violence
in the world
does
not exist
because
of television
only
.
Hard
relationships with
people
can be the reason for that.
For example
, by the words of scientists
people
who have childhood trauma are most likely to become cruel in the future, and it is possible that thieves have problems with relationship or their family. That
explains
the main reason of
violence
in the society.
So
, solving this problem
does
not depend on amount of cruel scenes on television.

Secondly
, the reality should become the norm to
see
. Most of
people
are trying to have ideal life with no other problems, even if there are the situations which are able to
make
everyone scared. It seems like a world with rose-colored glasses which is
harmfully
affect that kind of person. He or she will lose
a lot of
things from life if they do not
change
. In my opinion, there can be
some
complexes about doing everything
ideally
which
is considered
as a psychological illness.
That is
quite
hard
to
live
like that.
Thus
, reality is
important
.

In conclusion
, I can say that television
does
not
make
people
cruel and do not
show
something
bad
,
just
our reality. Cruelty and
violence
in our world should
be shown
without any locks.
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IELTS essay Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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