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video games develop your brain

video games develop your brain ApWm1
Nowadays, there is a lot of discussion on how video games affect on people’s minds. Some people think that they have only negative effects on our intellect, while others are sure that they have a positive impact on people’s intelligence. Personally, I think video games improve our brains greatly. First of all, they have a positive effect on cognitive ability. In the process of playing, you need to remember a lot of details and be on your guard all the time. Furthermore, video games significantly develop a person's imagination and creativity, since gamers are constantly in virtual worlds. However, there are those who believe that video games have a negative impact on people. There are games that can be a reason for violent behavior in a real life. For example, those who like to play shooters often become more aggressive and sitting in front of the computer for several hours may completely isolate players from the real world. Yet, I believe that video games are more beneficial than harmful. Violent games help people to get rid of stress. That's why it’s not bad to play from time to time. If you play only two hours a day, there will be no negative consequences. In the end, you can always install a program on your computer that will not allow you to play more than you should. I think video games are a great thing. They will not only help you get more creative, but also reveal skills that you have not known about before, such as the ability to act in emergency situations.
Nowadays, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
discussion on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our intellect, while others are sure that they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
intelligence.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our brains
greatly
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on cognitive ability. In the process of playing, you need to remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and be on your guard all the time.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
significantly
develop a person's imagination and creativity, since gamers are
constantly
in virtual worlds.

However
, there are those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that can be a reason for violent behavior in a real life.
For example
, those who like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
shooters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become more aggressive and sitting in front of the computer for several hours may completely isolate players from the real world.

Yet
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more beneficial than harmful. Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. That's why it’s not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
from time to time. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two hours a day, there will be no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, you can always install a program on your computer that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more than you should.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a great thing. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reveal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that you have not known about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, such as the ability to act in emergency situations.
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IELTS essay video games develop your brain

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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