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Video games and film effects on others in home care less expensive

Video games and film effects on others in home care less expensive YBrbd
Technology is extremely important. Nowadays there are kinds of technology like movie and online games become addicted to play from all teenagers. We will display argue points of view about effect of life. First, the supporters of the action are they have freedom to watch movie or play games which they do not affect anyone. If some films or video games send a bad idea, we should forbidden from them. For instance, my friends is quite fond of movies action which he after come-back from his job, he spend a long time waiting it and he says “it is remove stress after hard day". On the other hand, the non support of these kinds from films or video games because presence of violent and crime scenes which lead to Change mindset of children to be more aggressive. If children spend a long time play it, they will effect on brain concentration and encourage to imitate in real life. For exemplified, Egypt suffers from a high case from suicide among of teenager and children after play games like blue wheal and Pubge. In conclusion, last decade Increase video game especially online. Wherefore, I believe my opinion not completely forbidden but we need monitor from family due to adversely to society and change mind of teenager.
Technology is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Nowadays there are kinds of technology like movie and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
from all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. We will display argue points of view about effect of life.

First
, the supporters of the action are they have freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movie or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which they do not affect anyone. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
films or video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, we should
Did you mean "have forbidden" or "forbid"?
forbidden
from them.
For instance
, my friends is quite fond of movies action which he after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
-back from his job, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spends", "spent".
spend
a long time waiting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
he says “it is remove
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

On the other hand
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non support
of these kinds from films or video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
presence of violent and crime scenes which lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
mindset of children to be more aggressive. If children spend a long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it, they will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on brain concentration and encourage
Did you mean "imitating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to imitate
in real life. For exemplified, Egypt suffers from a high case from suicide among of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and children after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like blue wheal and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubge
.

In conclusion
, last decade Increase video game
especially
online. Wherefore, I believe my opinion not completely forbidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we need monitor from family due to
adversely
to society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
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IELTS essay Video games and film effects on others in home care less expensive

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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