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VIDEO GAME ADDICTION

VIDEO GAME ADDICTION JlBLD
Unfortunately, video game addiction is one of the most essential problems in the world. In addition, the number of people who are addicted to video games keeps increasing due to the fact that video games are becoming more realistic, complex, and compelling. Necessary steps should be taken to overcome video game addiction. The two most important steps that should be taken to eradicate video game addiction are finding other hobbies and meeting friends outside. The first step that should be taken to end video game addiction is finding other hobbies. People play video games in their free time; furthermore, the spare time of people in a day is limited. Therefore, the time which a person who is addicted to video games spends time by playing video games will decrease by finding other hobbies and spending time with them in his/her spare time. As a result of this situation, people can eliminate video game addiction. The second step that should be taken to overcome video game addiction is meeting friends outside. As I mentioned above, the spare time of a person in a day is limited and one plays video games in his/her free time. A person can get rid of video game addiction by meeting his/her friends outside in one’s free time instead of playing video games in his/her spare time. To sum up, video game addiction is a global problem; however, it is possible to eliminate it by finding other hobbies and meeting friends outside. I hope that the necessary steps will be taken, and the number of people who are addicted to video games will decrease in the future.
Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction is one of the most essential problems in the world.
In addition
, the number of
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people
who
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
increasing due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming more realistic, complex, and compelling. Necessary
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steps
should
be taken
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction. The two most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
that should
be taken
to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction are
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finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
outside.

The
first
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step
that should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
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People
play
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in their free
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time
;
furthermore
, the
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spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
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people
in a day
is limited
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which a person who
is addicted
to
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
spends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will decrease by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and spending
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time
with them in
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his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
of this situation,
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people
can eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction.

The second
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step
that should
be taken
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game addiction is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
outside. As I mentioned above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of a person in a day
is limited
and one plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
free
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time
. A person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
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video
game addiction by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
outside in one’s free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spare
time.

To sum up,
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video
game addiction is a global problem;
however
, it is possible to eliminate it by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
outside. I hope that the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
will
be taken
, and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will decrease in the future.
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IELTS essay VIDEO GAME ADDICTION

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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