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Various nation have large nunber of people aged over 65

Various nation have large nunber of people aged over 65 VBppA
Majority of nations have large proportion of individual who aged over the 65 that could cause several problems. This essay will discuss how to mitigate these problems. To begin with, although there are several problems due to the fact of large number of ancient people in numerous countries, one predominant problem is economy of their nation. Like the proportion of aged people are increasing day by day on the contrary the rate of birth is decreasing. Consequently, young workers are less in a number of professions. Due to this, states migrates young worker from other nation to improve their economy statues. Although, older have an experience of their work, not active in their work. Consequently, they could not improve the productivity of their nation More over, health is second predominant problems for mature people who aged above 65. When people are older than that time people become weaker. For instance, a person who aged over 65 works in large company that person not only do less work for the organization on the contrary also has lees capable for work. Therefore, when people who are older than they reduce their strength and capability to work. Consequently, these are major problems for aged people There are several solutions to resolve these problems. Firstly, states should have responsibilities to mitigate these problems. Like, people who aged 65 should get retired owing to the fact that, they would have less efficiency for work longer hours. Moreover, authorities will provide health related facilities and funds to them. Consequently, they would live save life. To sum up,
Majority of nations have large proportion of individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
over the 65 that could cause several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay will discuss how to mitigate these problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
due to the fact of large number of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in numerous countries, one predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is economy of their nation. Like the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing day by day
on the contrary
the rate of birth is decreasing.
Consequently
, young workers are less in a number of professions. Due to this, states migrates young worker from other nation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy statues. Although, older have an experience of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, not active in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity of their nation

More over, health is second predominant
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problems
for mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
above 65.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
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people
are older than that time
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people
become weaker.
For instance
, a person
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who
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aged
over 65 works in large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that person not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do less
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work
for the organization
on the contrary
also
has lees capable for
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work
.
Therefore
, when
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are older than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their strength and capability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, these are major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


There are several solutions to resolve these
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problems
.
Firstly
, states should have responsibilities to mitigate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retired owing to the fact that, they would have less efficiency for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer hours.
Moreover
, authorities will provide health related facilities and funds to them.
Consequently
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
save life.

To sum up,

IELTS essay Various nation have large nunber of people aged over 65

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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