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Nowadays young people admire celebrities such as actors, singers and athletes; they often do not set a good example though. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays young people admire celebrities such as actors, singers and athletes; they often do not set a good example though. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? YLYDr
In general according to sociologists youngsters are the backbone/pillar of each society because the destiny of societies can be determined by them. Therefore, valuable and appropriate patterns should be chosen to guide the youths to take right steps on the right paths. Nowadays the majority of young people are confused about choosing suitable patterns to model after, and unfortunately blind and inappropriate imitation of some celebrities specially actors and actresses, singers and athletes deteriorate/worsen the conditions. I believe it is regarded as a social harm and disorder with some negative social consequences. Beauty and attractiveness are the two favorable elements among nearly all people, so that celebrities are occasionally chosen attractive and beautiful enough to harm their proponents intentionally. For instance, some actors and singers have no idea about the ABCs of art, they take advantage of art to make money or to advertise counterculture. In fact, they are the advertisers of culture, fashion and many other things in the wrong way which are totally opposed with the religious, social and cultural values. It's no surprise one day you may visit someone with bizarre hair or clothing style that you think he or she is from another country or culture at first sight, but he or she is the offspring of that blind imitation. In sum, although I think young people and teenagers have to learn to be stars themselves if they try and do not need to imitate from other stars, it is an undeniable fact that an appropriate model can open up the way of salvation and triumph to the young people.
In general
according to sociologists youngsters are the backbone/pillar of each society
because
the destiny of societies can
be determined
by them.
Therefore
, valuable and appropriate patterns should
be chosen
to guide the youths to take right steps on the right paths. Nowadays the majority of young
people
are confused
about choosing suitable patterns to model after, and unfortunately blind and inappropriate imitation of
some
celebrities
specially
actors and actresses, singers and athletes deteriorate/worsen the conditions. I believe it
is regarded
as a social harm and disorder with
some
negative
social consequences.

Beauty and attractiveness are the two favorable elements among
nearly
all
people
,
so
that celebrities are
occasionally
chosen attractive and
beautiful
enough
to harm their proponents
intentionally
.
For instance
,
some
actors and singers have no
idea
about the ABCs of art, they take advantage of art to
make
money or to advertise counterculture. In fact, they are the advertisers of culture, fashion and
many
other things in the
wrong
way which are
totally
opposed with the religious, social and cultural values. It's no surprise one day you may visit someone with bizarre hair or clothing style that you
think
he or she is from another country or culture at
first
sight,
but
he or she is the offspring of that blind imitation.

In sum, although I
think
young
people
and
teenagers
have to
learn to be stars themselves if they
try and
do not need to imitate from other stars, it is an undeniable fact that an appropriate model can open up the way of salvation and triumph to the young
people
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people admire celebrities such as actors, singers and athletes; they often do not set a good example though. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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