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Value added by travel in education. Is travel necessary component for education?

Value added by travel in education. Is travel necessary component for education? m55JK
In today's era, education spreaded across borders and more and more students are travelling foreign for higher studies. As per my take on this travelling for education is too imperative. Student who travel for education they become more confident, independent, and they are able to face any kind of situation rather than who stay at home. Firstly, today many nations do not have proper infrastructure, education system and expertise to build career of young and enthusiastic scholars. In such cases, these students do not have any option other than traveling to developed countries for post graduation. For example, millions of students every year from developing nations like China and India come to USA for study in their interested field for which there is no proper course available in their home country. Therefore, traveling to other nations always good for students and foreign nations. Secondly, Because of such traveling we can able to create multicultural society in which there is a space for every religion and group. People can absorb many important skills from other cultures and same way can teach same skills to other communities. For example, Canada and Australia have multicultural societies created by different groups traveled from different countries and all are living peacefully without any major problems. So traveling for studies helps student to learn culture of foreign nation and same time give him a chance to spread importance of his own culture. In a nutshell, students who travel for education have more visibility, adaptability and courage than students who prefer to stay at home.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "spread", the past tense form of the verb 'spread'?
spreaded
across borders and more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are travelling foreign for higher studies. As per my take on this travelling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is too imperative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they become more confident, independent, and they are able to face any kind of situation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay at home.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
do not have proper infrastructure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and expertise to build career of young and enthusiastic scholars. In such cases, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have any option
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than traveling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
for post graduation.
For example
, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
every year from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
like China and India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
for study in their interested field for which there is no proper course available in their home country.
Therefore
, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and foreign nations.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of such traveling we
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
create multicultural society in which there is a space for every religion and group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and same way can teach same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
communities.
For example
, Canada and Australia have multicultural societies created by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups traveled from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and all are living
peacefully
without any major problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
traveling for studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to learn culture of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and same time give him a chance to spread importance of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have more visibility, adaptability and courage than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to stay at home.
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IELTS essay Value added by travel in education. Is travel necessary component for education?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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