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Should children do more school works or play more games

Should children do more school works or play more games g88k1
I think that the best use of time is to have fun playing games or sports. I want to hightlight that I mention the games which children play together at outside and interact with each other. I have several reasons to feel this way. First, I strongly believe that children should live their childhood as much as possible. What I mean with saying living childhood? Well, I want to say that they should play games more than they study. They will study and work a lot during the next periods of their lives, so they dont need to rush for doing more schoolwork. Additionally, children can interact with each other, increase their empathy abililties and learn teamwork while playing together. These are essential ablities which everybody needs to improve to be successful. Obviously, games are great opportunities to improve these skills. Second, similar to games, sport activities provide great improvement in teamworking and empathy ability. Moreover, they help to develop cognitive skills of children. Lots of scientists a state that sport activities stimulate lots of cells in the brain which creates many connections between different parts of the brain. Furthermore, sport activities keep us not only physically bot also mentally healthy and dynamic. For example, when I go for running or do yoga practices in my break time, I always notice that my brain proceeds much better than before the break and I continue my study more efficiently after my break. Third, playing games and doing sports provide an opportunity to make new friends. Children can meet with new people and make new friends which widen their perspectives since very early ages because of the fact that every person has different point of views even in their childhoods. In conclusion, I think prefer children playing games and doing sport activies instead of doing more shoolwork, when their parents are busy and dont have enough time for their children. As I listed above, games and sports provide various opportunities for children to improve their essential skills.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of time is to have fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I want to
Possible spelling mistake found.
hightlight
that I mention the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play together at outside and interact with each other.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have several reasons to feel this way.

First
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their childhood as much as possible. What I mean with saying living childhood? Well, I want to say that they should play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more than they study. They will study and work a lot during the
next
periods of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
need to rush for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
more schoolwork.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can interact with each other, increase their empathy
Possible spelling mistake found.
abililties
and learn teamwork while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
together. These are essential
Possible spelling mistake found.
ablities
which everybody needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
to be successful.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are great opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Second, similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities provide great improvement in
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamworking
and empathy ability.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Lots of scientists a state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities stimulate lots of cells in the brain which creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
connections between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the brain.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
bot
also
mentally healthy and dynamic.
For example
, when I go for running or do yoga practices in my break time, I always notice that my brain proceeds much better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the break and I continue my study more
efficiently
after my break.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends which widen their perspectives since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early ages
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
every person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of views even in their childhoods.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
activies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoolwork
, when their parents are busy and
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As I listed above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide various opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay Should children do more school works or play more games

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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