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Using points and the examples from the talk, explain two ways of preventing food spoilage and why they are effective. v.1

Using points and the examples from the talk, explain two ways of preventing food spoilage and why they are effective. v. 1
Undoubtedly, the number of health-related issues amongst people are increasing at a significant rate. For this reason, it is often thought by some people that government should impose tariff on unhealthy cuisine. Although people might have diversified opinions, I believe that this pragmatic approach will decrease its overall consumption as well as create awareness amongst people all over the world. One of the major reasons why the imposition of duty on unhealthy foodstuff is preferable is to decline its consumption level. As per the law of demand, when the price of a product increases then its demand is decreased. Additional tax on unhealthy feed will ultimately make it costly, so people buy it in very less quantity. Another crucial factor which makes my opinion in favour of unhealthy bread expense is to spread awareness about the detrimental effects of non-nutritious fare stuff. That is to say, if the government imposes fine on unhealthy snack, people will be able to find out the reason behind it. To exemplify, applying a tax on fast cooking would insist people to know about the ingredients used to make it. As a result, they can know about the negative consequences of fat on human well-being. Improvement in people's fitness globally is another considerable advantage. If government of all the nations adopts this strategy, health of the majority of population in the world can be either prevented, or improved. This is because of the high price of unhealthy fare and cheaper nutritious drink. In conclusion, it is apparent from the above discussion that implication of tax on unhealthy snack stuff will not only reduce its consumption, but also improve the health of people around the word by spreading awareness about the negative consequences of poor diet.
Undoubtedly
, the number of health-related issues amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing at a significant rate.
For this reason
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose tariff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
cuisine. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have diversified opinions, I believe that this pragmatic approach will decrease its
overall
consumption
as well
as create awareness amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.

One of the major reasons why the imposition of duty on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
foodstuff is preferable is to decline its consumption level. As per the law of demand, when the price of a product increases then its demand
is decreased
. Additional tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
feed will
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it costly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less quantity.

Another crucial factor which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
my opinion in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
bread expense is to spread awareness about the detrimental effects of non-nutritious fare stuff.
That is
to say, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposes fine on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
snack,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to find out the reason behind it. To exemplify, applying a tax on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
cooking would insist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about the ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it.
As a result
, they can know about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
on human well-being.

Improvement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's fitness globally is another considerable advantage. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of all the nations adopts this strategy, health of the majority of population in the world can be either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
fare and cheaper nutritious drink.

In conclusion
, it is apparent from the above discussion that implication of tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
snack stuff will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the word by spreading awareness about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of poor diet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Using points and the examples from the talk, explain two ways of preventing food spoilage and why they are effective. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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