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ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. v. 1
While some individuals prefer to be employed, others have the desire to start their own business. This essay will argue in favour of seeking a job as the most feasible option between the two. This essay will first, discuss fixed monthly income as the main advantage and further, outline flexible working time as another merit of doing a job. The foremost benefit of working in an organisation is the monthly salary it guarantees. In other words, people are generally risk averse and want a fixed pay that can cater to their necessities at least. Unlike, sole proprietorship which even though being profitable, does not assure fixed monthly income. To elucidate, a survey conducted by The Time in March 2019 showed that more than 80 percent of people mentioned fixed salary as the reason for seeking a job. Apart from this, employment also offers the benefit of flexible working hours. This is to say, individuals can manage office time in accordance with their personal and family commitments. Thus, able to give equal importance to both office work and loved ones. However, people doing their business are responsible for the entire operations, hence, maintaining a work-life balance becomes a difficult task. To exemplify, two of my closest friends have shut down their business after years of stressful working hours and have opted for full time employment. In conclusion, working in an organisation is the most suitable alternative when compared with commencing business as jobs not only assure people with regular income but also gives them the privilege of adjustable office time.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals prefer to
be employed
, others have the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This essay will argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of seeking a job as the most feasible option between the two. This essay will
first
, discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
monthly income as the main advantage and
further
, outline flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as another merit of doing a job.

The foremost benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is the monthly salary it guarantees.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
averse and want a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
pay that can cater to their necessities at least. Unlike, sole proprietorship which
even though
being profitable, does not assure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
monthly income. To elucidate, a survey conducted by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
in March 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
salary as the reason for seeking a job.

Apart from this, employment
also
offers the benefit of flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours. This is to say, individuals can manage office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in accordance with their personal and family commitments.
Thus
, able to give equal importance to both office work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are responsible for the entire operations,
hence
, maintaining a work-life balance becomes a difficult task. To exemplify, two of my closest friends have shut down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
after years of stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and have opted for full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is the most suitable alternative when compared with commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
as jobs not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
assure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with regular income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives them the privilege of adjustable office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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