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Many people believe we should continue developing cloning technology. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe we should continue developing cloning technology. v. 1
There is a continuous rise in the owning of personal vehicles. This essay will suggest that saving time and keeping privacy are the biggest advantages of this and the increase in the level of pollution is the primary disadvantage. To embark on, the majority of people are busy in their works because of which they try to save their time as much as possible in order to pursue their hobbies and to do other activities. So, they are owning private vehicles, which help them to save their time as they do not have to wait for a long, looking for a public transport. Moreover, nowadays, people are more conscious about their privacy. They do not want to reveal their personal life to the public. Thus, in order to keep privacy, personal vehicle is the best option. On the contrary, increasing of the private vehicles is also a great threat to human life because the level of pollution is rising to a great extent which does not only invites a myriad of diseases but also causes negative impacts on climate. For instance, the news is being broadcast about the changing of weather conditions that the summers are becoming longer than winter from the past few decades and also a number of diseases such as asthma is on the rise due to increase in pollution. To conclude, although the private vehicles are advantageous to save time and to keep privacy, it also leads to the negative development in the environment by increasing the level of pollution.
There is a continuous rise in the owning of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
. This essay will suggest that saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and keeping privacy are the biggest advantages of this and the increase in the level of pollution is the primary disadvantage.

To embark on, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy in their works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they try to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as much as possible in order to pursue their hobbies and to do other activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are owning
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for a long, looking for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "public transport".
a public transport
.
Moreover
, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more conscious about their privacy. They do not want to reveal their personal life to the public.
Thus
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
privacy, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
is the best option.

On the contrary
, increasing of the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
is
also
a great threat to human life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the level of pollution is rising to a great extent which does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invites a myriad of diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on climate.
For instance
, the news is being broadcast about the changing of weather conditions that the summers are becoming longer than winter from the past few decades and
also
a number of diseases such as asthma is on the rise due to increase in pollution.

To conclude
, although the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are advantageous to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
privacy, it
also
leads to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development in the environment by increasing the level of pollution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe we should continue developing cloning technology. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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