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Use of digital devices on daily basis

Use of digital devices on daily basis 06yel
In the contemporary era of globalization, many changes have taken place in each and every sphere of life. These changes have also affected our children lifestyle. Use of digital devices on daily basis have more negative effects over benefits on children. I am completely agreeing with the statement. This essay will outline the pertinent perspectives relevant to the topic in the upcoming paragraphs. There are many negative effects of overusing computers on children. First and foremost is the effect on mental health. Adults spend most of their time on digital devices which may lead to detrimental health diseases such as depression, low IQ level and many more. In addition to this, adults take less part in physical activities. Therefore, they deal with unfavorable health problems like obesity, joint pain, lack of eye vision. A research conducted by United States doctors reveal that children who use much computer systems are 80% prone to diseases. On the other side, some people bolster their arguments by stating that use of latest smart devices could improve their ability to adapt more skills. Children can learn new technologies via online mode of education where they have plethora of options to learn the same thing. These days students from all over the world can accumulate same knowledge. Despite of some benefits, it has more harmful effects on children. To recapitulate, there are some benefits of using the modern technology devices. However, it has more drawbacks. We should use digital devices in appropriate manner in order to alleviate the severe effects on our health. Thus, we can use these modern devices to work for humankind.
In the contemporary era of globalization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have taken place in each and every sphere of life. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
on daily basis have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects over benefits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
am completely agreeing
with the statement. This essay will outline the pertinent perspectives relevant to the topic in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of overusing computers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Adults spend most of their time on digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
which may lead to detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases such as depression, low IQ level and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
In addition
to this, adults take less part in physical activities.
Therefore
, they deal with unfavorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like obesity, joint pain, lack of eye vision.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by United States doctors reveal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
much computer systems are 80% prone to diseases.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
bolster their arguments by stating that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability to adapt more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn new technologies via online mode of education where they have plethora of options to learn the same thing.

These days students from all over the world can accumulate same knowledge.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, it has more harmful effects on children.

To recapitulate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of using the modern technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
However
, it has more drawbacks. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
in appropriate manner in order to alleviate the severe effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Thus
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to work for humankind.
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IELTS essay Use of digital devices on daily basis

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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