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-unmarried adults are choosing to study and live outside their parents’ homes. Do you think this trend is positive

-unmarried adults are choosing to study and live outside their parents’ homes. Do you think this trend is positive NwjPj
As the world’s economies have grown, alternative living arrangements among young people have become possible. This has led to the trend of young single people living apart from their parents. It is argued that this development is a positive phenomenon. This will be shown by analyzing how independence teaches youths maturity and allows for self-discovery. Firstly, youths who live apart from their parents face certain challenges that teach them how to be mature individuals. For example, if these young people do not wash their clothes, keep their living space clean or eat healthy food, they will likely experience social exclusion and maybe even poor health. These negative ramifications clearly demonstrate to young people the necessity of learning to be self-sufficient. Thus, the benefits that come about when young individuals do not live with their parents can be seen. In addition to the above, youths who live alone have the freedom to discover what they are capable of. Take the experience of dormitory life in America, for example. While living in student housing, young people have the opportunity to experiment with different lifestyles. As this experimentation results in both good and bad experiences, it allows young people to confidently conclude what they can and cannot do and thus better understand themselves. Because this understanding will allow them to make more fitting lifestyle choices, it can be concluded that children living away from home have an advantage over children living with their parents. As the above illustrates, a young person’s growth into a mature and self-confident individual is accelerated when they live outside their parents’ home. It has thus been proven that this living arrangement is positive and should be encouraged. It is hoped young unmarried adults continue to make efforts to live on their own.
As the world’s economies have grown, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
arrangements among young

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have become possible. This has led to the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
living


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apart
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It
is argued
that this development is a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
positive


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
phenomenon
. This will
be shown
by analyzing how independence teaches
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
youths


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
maturity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for self-discovery.

Firstly
, youths who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
apart from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
face certain challenges that teach

Did you mean "Then"?
them
how to be mature individuals.
For example
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
wash


their clothes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
space clean or eat healthy food, they will likely

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
experience
social exclusion and maybe even poor health. These
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
negative


ramifications
clearly
demonstrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the necessity of learning to be

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
self-sufficient
.
Thus
, the benefits that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
about when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In addition
to the above, youths who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone have the freedom to discover what

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
are capable of. Take the experience of dormitory life in America,
for example
.

While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in student housing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opportunity to experiment

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles. As this experimentation results in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
bad


experiences, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
confidently
conclude what they can and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
cannot
do and
thus
better understand themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this understanding will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more fitting lifestyle choices, it can
be concluded
that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
living
away from home have an advantage over children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their parents.

As the above illustrates, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person’s growth into a mature and self-confident

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
individual
is accelerated
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
home. It has
thus
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
been


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
proven
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
arrangement is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and should
be encouraged
. It is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hoped


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
unmarried adults continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay -unmarried adults are choosing to study and live outside their parents’ homes. Do you think this trend is positive

Essay
  American English
23 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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