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The Effects of Social Media on Students

The Effects of Social Media on Students E71pM
In today's society, there are many controversial comments about using social media networks, especially facebook. Although it is said that facebook can bring some benefits for users, from my perspective the drawbacks will be far more significant. BODY: POSITIVE EFFECT: The reason why I suppose that using facebook can derive benefits would be that People can keep in touch with a large amount of information if they use social     media platforms, especially facebook. This might be because there is a great source of news which is published on facebook on a daily basis. In fact, many youngsters in VietNam get access to facebook to broaden their knowledge about novel news of the world when they surf facebook => As a result, people can widen their horizon not only about news from their country but also from others. NEGATIVE EFFECT: <> In the case of societies and local communities, FACEBOOK has had a negative impact on our lives. First and foremost, people do not have good social lives when they become facebook addicts It is being noticed that people spend most of their time remaining online instead of having real-life meetings since there are many recreational activities on facebook such as chatting, watching live streams and updating status. In fact, nowaday young people are less interactive directly with their friends and they spend more than 6-7 hours texting together via facebook. => Thus, people are becoming more and more dependent on the virtual world and less confident when they interact with their locals. Another point which could be taken into account is cyberbullying. This is because people can act cyberbullying in many ways like sending bad messages, stealing and leaking personal information or posing as a person to hurt others. For example, 5 years ago in Dong Nai a 15-year-old middle school girl posted a CONCLUSION: It is true that Facebook is a good site for people to entertain or socialize. However, in my opinion, the disadvantages can be outweighed by the advantages as it can make people live a sedentary lifestyle and pose many threat by hackers.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversial comments about using social media networks,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
. Although it
is said
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for users, from my perspective the drawbacks will be far more significant.

BODY:

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
EFFECT:

The reason why I suppose that using
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
can derive benefits would be that

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with a large amount of information if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
media platforms,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.

This might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a great source of news which
is published
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
on a daily basis.

In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters in
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
to broaden their knowledge about novel news of the world when they surf
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook


Do you wish to insert an arrow?
=>
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can widen their horizon not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about news from their country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from others.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECT:

<> In the case of societies and local communities, FACEBOOK has had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they become
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
addicts

It is
being noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their time remaining online
instead
of having real-life meetings since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recreational activities on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
such as chatting, watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
streams and updating status.

In fact,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less interactive
directly
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they spend more than 6-7 hours texting together via
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.

Do you wish to insert an arrow?
=>
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more dependent on the virtual world and less confident when they interact with their locals.

Another point which could
be taken
into account is cyberbullying.

This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can act cyberbullying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways like sending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
messages, stealing and leaking personal information or posing as a person to hurt others.

For example
, 5 years ago in Dong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nai
a 15-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
middle school girl posted a

CONCLUSION:

It is true that Facebook is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
site for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to entertain or socialize.
However
, in my opinion, the disadvantages can
be outweighed
by the advantages as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle and pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
threat by hackers.

IELTS essay The Effects of Social Media on Students

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
349 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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