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Many students pick their own routes in school and university; some prefer to focus solely on their studies, while others choose to work part-time.

Many students pick their own routes in school and university; some prefer to focus solely on their studies, while others choose to work part-time. VyLlw
Many students pick their own routes in school and university; some prefer to focus solely on their studies, while others choose to work part-time. Focusing on learning is the proper thing to do at this age because learning is the major duty. You can obtain experience in college by joining groups and attending seminars. In comparison, finding a part-time work outside of school isn't a bad idea either. Students will learn skills that they would not have learned in school. You can meet people from various sectors and gain more real-world experience. Both provide unique field experiences. Furthermore, time is a factor to consider while deciding between full-time study and part-time work. Students who study full-time have more time to focus on their homework. As a result, because they don't have any other distractions, most full-time students can accomplish greater results than part-time students. However, we must consider another issue: incomes. Part-timers can relieve parental stress while also allowing them to spend money on items they want. Obviously, this allows them to live a more comfortable life than students who are studying full-time. If students study full-time in a wealthy household, their income has little bearing on their education; but, for poor families, this is a significant obstacle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pick their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
routes in school and university;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to focus
solely
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, while others choose to work part-time. Focusing on learning is the proper thing to do at this age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning is the major duty. You can obtain experience in college by joining groups and attending seminars.
In comparison
, finding a part-time work outside of school isn't a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
either.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they would not have learned in school. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various sectors and gain more real-world experience. Both provide unique field experiences.
Furthermore
, time is a factor to consider while deciding between full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and part-time work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
full-time have more time to focus on their homework.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have any other distractions, most full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can accomplish greater results than part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider another issue: incomes. Part-timers can relieve parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
while
also
allowing them to spend money on items they want.
Obviously
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more comfortable life than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are studying full-time. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
full-time in a wealthy household, their income has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
bearing on their education;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, for poor families, this is a significant obstacle.
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IELTS essay Many students pick their own routes in school and university; some prefer to focus solely on their studies, while others choose to work part-time.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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