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University should not teach art subjects instead go for the practical course. To what extent do you agree with it?

University should not teach art subjects instead go for the practical course. 2a0dJ
lack of job opportunities for the degree holder along with the high college fee  are the current issues, which pulls few  to think that universities should offer only practical degree courses that improves chance of employment and avoid teaching art subjects such as history and philosophy. In my opinion, even though it increases employment, every students have the right to opt their favourite subjects which helps them to grow individually. On the other hand, society requires all type of occupations including Artist, philosophers and many more. Every person has the fundamental right to study their interested subjects which helps to discover themselves alternatively contributing Nations growth. Education and occupation should always provide a self satisfaction, other than the money for the better future. When the new generation learn about the growth or history of the humanity they will contribute new ideas and concepts to the worlds development moreover it is necessary for the society. On the opposite side, practical degree courses provide more chance for the employment but work out only with the interested persons in the sector. For example one who loves to be an artist because of passion in drawing can not forcefully turned to be an engineer in short, he or she finally end up in depression. Whenever we try to enforce skilled graduation programmes on student the results will be unanticipated. To conclude, although the increase in university fees as well as fear of being unemployed after graduation is essential, I believe that people should not remove arts subjects due to their benefits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lack
of job opportunities for the degree holder along with the high college fee
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues, which pulls few
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that universities should offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practical degree courses that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
chance of employment and avoid teaching art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as history and philosophy. In my opinion,
even though
it increases employment, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
have the right to opt their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to grow
individually
.

On the other hand
, society requires all type of occupations including Artist, philosophers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Every person has the fundamental right to study their interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to discover themselves
alternatively
contributing Nations growth. Education and occupation should always provide a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
, other than the money for the better future. When the new generation learn about the growth or history of the humanity they will contribute new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and concepts to the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "worlds'" or "world's"?
worlds
development
moreover
it is necessary for the society.

On the opposite side, practical degree courses provide more chance for the employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
work out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the interested persons in the sector.
For example
one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to be an artist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of passion in drawing can not
forcefully
The verb 'can' requires base form of the verb: "turn"
turned
to be an engineer in short, he or she
finally
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "ends", "ended".
end
up in depression.
“Whenever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whenever
we try to enforce skilled graduation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on student the results will
be unanticipated
.

To conclude
, although the increase in university fees
as well
as fear of
being unemployed
after graduation is essential, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not remove arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
due to their benefits.
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IELTS essay University should not teach art subjects instead go for the practical course.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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