Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 2
It is rightly said that success and development of any community and country depends on the success and development of their woman. In India it is said that woman are the source of energy and so she is worshipped as goddess. However, the situation of woman is more or less devastating in every country. The pivotal reason behind this pity condition is illiteracy rate of woman around the world. Hence, if we want to empower the women, we have to generate the resources which can provide education to every woman. However, to give reservation of fifty percent seats to the female candidate in every subject is not the solution of the problem and my inclination discord the statement. to commence with, education is right of every child. However, the admissions in any subject should be given on the basis of merit of the student. There are few reasons behind it. First, merit procedure propel competition among the children that leads to motivate them to be an expert in that subject to avail success. Secondly, admission given based on merit can assures the good quality executives for the future. Moreover, many a times, it is not possible to fill the reserved seats due to lack of enough applications of particular candidate. In such situation, those seats would be either left vacant or sold in a management quota to the low merit student. In both the cases, scholar and hard-working but destitute students has to bear the loss. On the flip side, there are several other issues needs to be addressed that restricts woman education. It includes economical condition, social restrictions and personal belief of people. To exemplify, despite of several example of successful woman in India, there is still a trend exit which enforces child marriage in many communities. In this child marriage, bride losses her right of education and guided to do household chores. To conclude with, women empowerment is the need of the time but not at the stake of reservation. I strongly believe in eradication of hurdles in the way of women education rather giving reservation in every subject.
It is
rightly
said that success and development of any community and country depends on the success and development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "India, it".
India it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
are the source of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
energy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she is
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshipped' is British English.
worshipped
as goddess.
However
, the situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
is more or less devastating in every country. The pivotal reason behind this pity condition is illiteracy rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
around the world.
Hence
, if we want to empower the women, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
generate the resources which can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
.
However
, to give reservation of fifty percent seats to the female candidate in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is not the solution of the problem and my inclination discord the statement.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is right of every child.
However
, the admissions in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
of the student. There are few reasons behind it.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
procedure propel competition among the children that leads to motivate them to be an expert in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to avail success.
Secondly
, admission
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "assure"
assures
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality executives for the future.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
, it is not possible to fill the reserved seats due to lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
applications of particular candidate. In such situation, those seats would be either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
vacant or sold in a management quota to the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
merit
student. In both the cases, scholar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
destitute students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bear the loss.

On the flip side, there are several other issues needs to
be addressed
that restricts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It includes economical condition, social restrictions and personal belief of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To exemplify,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
Possible agreement error. The noun example seems to be countable; consider using: "several examples".
several example
of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
in India, there is
still
a trend exit which enforces child marriage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities. In this child marriage, bride losses her right of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and guided to do household chores.

To conclude
with, women empowerment is the need of the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the stake of reservation. I
strongly
believe in eradication of hurdles in the way of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
giving reservation in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts