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Universities should be free or paid?

Universities should be free or paid? QYx9
Some people believe that authorities should provide education free of charge on all levels. Whereas some state that tertiary education should be paid. In my opinion, free education should be given regardless of educational stage. First of all, schooling should not be the matter of one's well-being and fortune. It is unreasonable to think that once students enter an university they will be able to cover all tuition fees. Therefore, many students out-of-school give up on applying to universities because of their financial problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that authorities should provide education free of charge on all levels.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state that tertiary education should
be paid
. In my opinion, free education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
regardless of educational stage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, schooling should not be the matter of one's well-being and fortune. It is unreasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that once students enter
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
university they will be able to cover all tuition fees.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students out-of-school give up on applying to universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their financial problems.

IELTS essay Universities should be free or paid?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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